I have the day off from work today, yay! Unfortunately, Musicman is traveling for work today, he left the house 2 hours earlier then usual, so no morning sex. I did get up long enough to say good bye, I don't like it when one of us leaves without saying goodbye, it makes me sad. I suppose if we had rituals, that would be one of them.
I did go back to bed and sleep for another couple hours, I've been getting caught up on housework and laundry since then. As I do when I clean, I have been letting my mind roam to all the different things floating around in it. Work is going okay, I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable with it, both physically and cognitively.
We have been having several cold rainy days, but today is warm and sunny. So after popping in a load of laundry I went out to sit in the sun for awhile. I love the sun, it always cheers me up. I checked the pool, we should be swimming by this weekend if the weather cooperates. I'm looking forward to it, I love playing in the pool with Musicman. I'm always quite amused that we live in the middle of a city, with people all around, and our pool area is private enough to romp naked.
As I sat musing in the sun, I was thinking how different my life turned out from what I had planned. I always had very specific goals for myself when I was growing up. The first was to get out of my parents home. The second was to be a doctor. I was never going to get married. I was never going to have children. I was very passionate about achieving these goals.
Then I met a man, Musicman. I did not become a doctor. I married and had children. My mother tells everyone I "gave up" being a doctor for a man. I have never been able to make her understand that I did not "give up" anything. It seems so simple to me, my passion changed. I no longer wanted to be a doctor as much as I wanted to be with Musicman. It was not that I had to choose between the two either, he would have supported me if I had chosen to be a doctor. I simply didn't want that anymore.
I wanted to make a life with him, I wanted that to be my primary focus. It has been the primary focus for both of us. It has occurred to me a few times lately that I have achieved everything I set out to do. My life definitely deviated from the original goals I had, but those were the goals of a child anyway.
I think the smartest thing I ever did was make the decision to build a life with him. Doing that enabled me to have the life I have, a life of happiness and contentment, a life of love and passion. The sex is pretty great too, lol.
I've heard the younger girls at work talking, they are just starting out and struggling to be stable. I almost feel guilty talking about my life at all. I find myself saying, " I understand, I've been there, but that's not me now." That's all true, and it is purely because I have Musicman by my side.
I find myself editing out large parts of myself and my life when they ask me questions. I have always edited out a large part of my life at home from most co-workers. I just didn't want to share that side of me with them. I never thought enough about it before to realize, it is the fact that I am naturally submissive to Musicman that I don't want to share. I never had a name for it, it was just the way I was and most people didn't understand it.
Now that I have a name for the way I am and a clearer understanding of myself, I find that I want to share even less. I don't want the outside world intruding into the little bubble of Musicman's dominance that I live so comfortably in.