I'm a goal oriented girl. I set long term goals, then I set short term goals designed to achieve the long term goals. When changes happen, or it becomes obvious that the short term goals aren't working, I reassess and set new goals.
I was so close to achieving some long term goals recently that when the changes started occurring, I fought them. It was right there, all I had to do was grab the brass ring. But, no matter how high or how fast I grabbed, it slipped away.
I wasted precious time and energy chasing it, but it's gone. It took something drastic happening for me to accept that it was gone. A loss we didn't see coming, hit us squarely in the face. It's very sad, but it helped me see that I needed to stop chasing some things.
Instead, all I can do is embrace everything that's going on. I need to reassess and set new goals for myself. I'm finding that difficult to do. There is so much serious illness and loss surrounding us that I'm having a hard time finding some things important right now.
Musicman has been very attentive, keeping me close, keeping me focused. Giving me the pain I need to escape, if only for awhile. Comforting me when that is what I've needed. He understands that I've been struggling to accept things I don't want to accept.
I don't know how this is all going to workout, but I'm learning to accept that, even when it's scary. I'll do it for him, cause right now, hes the only thing in my life I still find important. I want to be strong for him and it's time I give that all my effort.