Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A Subtle Dom


There are two types of leaders, those that lead and those that people want to follow.


I've heard this before, though most recently on this post by Kitty, on The Submissive Wife blogspot. Musicman is definitely the type of leader that people want to follow. I have no problems with this, as I'm pretty much the type that willingly follows when it comes to my interactions with him.  It has occurred to me that he is a very subtle leader. It's more about who he is then what he does.

Sometimes though, he can be a bit too subtle.  A prime example would have been last evening. We had some lovely playtime with the brush. We hadn't played with the brush in a while and it was a lot of fun. This encounter brings our count for the master bedroom up to 7.

I mentioned that to him afterwards along with the fact that we would be almost done with the September Spanking Challenge if we had done even half of these encounters in other rooms. He said I should have reminded him before hand and we could have done it in another room.

Okay, I get that I am usually the more adventurous one of us. I also get that I have a lot more time to think about this stuff. I get that even though he enjoys this lifestyle, it is essentially my thing. I'm the one that writes the blog, I'm the one that reads the blogs, I'm the one that buys the toys. It is, in effect, my hobby, he's just going along for the ride.

I don't have any real problems with that. I don't even have any problems with reminding him about the challenge or suggesting that we try a different location. I'm probably the most aggressive sub going and I have no problems with that. That's just the way I am and neither of us wants that to change.

But, it is kinda key that I have some idea what is going to occur if I am going to contribute. When we went upstairs to bed I had no idea he was planning on playing. All he said was, "I'm going upstairs, are you coming?" This is a usual exchange for us and I didn't think anything of it.  I had no idea we were going to play until he had the brush in his hand.

At that point, it's a little late to ask me to think of details such as crossing off rooms on a list for a challenge, or much of anything else for that matter. When implements get picked up by him, focus and intelligent thought leave the room for me.

In conversation afterwards it became apparent that when he said he was going upstairs, I was supposed to have heard something different. I was supposed to have heard, "I want to spank you, play with you and satisfy us both." Ummm...yeah, if I had heard that I might have thought to suggest marking off another room. Or, I might have run for the stairs in glee, probably knocking him out of the way in the process.

So, maybe he's a little too subtle sometimes, and maybe I need to learn to read his mind better. Maybe we aren't going to get all our rooms marked off by the end of the month to satisfy the challenge. I don't know, but I do know, we're having all kinds of fun figuring it out.

26 comments:

  1. With Ward, when it comes to play time, there is really no question. It's some of the other times I may ask for clarification - seems funny, huh. We had gone out for my birthday and we got home & I took some things out of the dryer and he said, we're going to bed soon, lovey, you can leave that till the morning. I got us both a drink and sat and pulled the basket over and stopped short. I looked at him & said - was that a suggestion or were you telling me? He said - Oh, I was telling you. Well, okay then.

    As far as play time, there is no ambiguity whatsoever. He will have that look, and take my hand.Sometimes there is dialog, sometimes not - the message is clear - you're mine & I'm going to show you now. Oh holy flippin' YUM!

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    1. Musicman says the same thing almost every evening, we always go to bed together and that's how he tells me it's time for bed :) It's just one of those things we always do.

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  2. Glad you guys are having so much fun.

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    1. Thanks Sunnygirl, hope you are too :)

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  3. Which is important? Having a really good time, or crossing another room off? Was he really meaning that you should tell him?

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    1. Oh, having a really good time, for sure :)

      Yes, he was really meaning for me to tell him. That's not really a problem for me, but as I said, once the implement is in hand, the thought is gone, lol. Advance notice would be a really good thing sometimes, even if just a few minutes.

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  4. Having fun is the goal and you are certainly doing that.

    Hug,
    joey

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  5. Sounds like you kinda have a strong, silent type...I can relate! If you are both having fun and enjoying each other, that's the most important thing.

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    1. No kinda's about it, lol. I sometimes have to remind him that using words is a good thing :)
      The scary thing is that I'm actually pretty good with his non verbal communication. I've had lots of time to practice, but I totally missed it this time.

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  6. What? You didn't get the mind reading implant at the special post-wedding ceremony? Oh, me either. I have that problem too, but I am sure the guys would say the same thing.

    Thanks for the shout-out! I appreciate it.

    Maybe you can ask Jake if you can trade in two or three in one room for knocking another one off the list?

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    1. Oh Dang! That's what they must have been doing when we snuck out for a quickie, lol.

      Thanks for giving me something to think about :)

      I'm not all that worried about the list, I got plans a hatchin', heeheeheee.

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  7. hahaha.. too funny, kitty. seeing as i'm not married, i have an excuse NOT to have the implant.

    so i rely on good ol fashioned asking. too forward? sometimes i feel like i'm a harlot. but then, how else am i gonna know, right?

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    1. No such thing as TOO forward in my book :) Maybe not an accepted attribute for a good sub, but it works for me, lol.

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  8. I don't think Jake thought about a punishment, when you don't reach the September goal.
    Maybe you can start thinking something up, because when your focus leaves you, anytime he picks up an implement, you're sure to have a lot of fun, but will not reach the official goal.

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    1. Wouldn't matter if he had, we don't do punishments. The goals I have may not be official, but they're pretty good :)

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  9. Um, "I'm going upstairs, are you coming" and you don't know what that means??? LOL!
    I'm not sure it's MM that's doing subtle.... :)

    Dee x

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    1. Yeah, that means it's time to go to bed. He's been saying that to me every night for almost 3 decades. What happens after we get to bed is a whole other story, lol :)

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  10. Mine can be subtle or very NOT. It's sometimes tricky to know which he will be on any given day.

    Hey, it's almost the weekend!

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    1. He can be extremely clear when he wants to be. Yay, the weekend, and your MM is home, have fun, and be good :)

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  11. We have no problem with subtleness over here. I always know. You get asked if you are coming to bed, that's always a direct order at my house and not a very welcome one at times.

    Sounds like you guys are having with the challenge, even iof you are outside of the guidelines.

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    1. It's not a direct order, but I don't need a direct order either. It started out as a basic agreement and has grown to a comforting ritual. I really wouldn't have it any other way :)

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  12. Run Upstairs in glee knocking him over - too funny!! Do you check in often with him to see if he is happy and willing? I periodically struggle with the thought that He does it for me and not because he wants to. He always adjusts my perspective :-)
    Glad you had fun ... My Sir and I had the same discussion about rooms last night. Should be a busy end of September.

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    1. I used to check in with him often, worrying about him just doing it for me. I've since seen the evidence otherwise, so I don't question it as much anymore.

      The month flew by, didn't it? Here's to the end of the month :)

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  13. In our house it would be very helpful if both of us could read each other's minds once and a while to hear the subtleties. That being said, a room is just a room and if you are having fun and enjoying each other that is key. No one said you couldn't extend the challenge and try for another month if you are having fun... :-)

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    1. The challenge has been fun, and while I highly doubt we will "complete" it by the end of the month, I think we will continue exploring :)

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