I've been hiding, crawled away and am licking my wounds. These are not deep everlasting wounds, hopefully they will not become chronic wounds. They have been very acute wounds for the last little bit of time though.
When I started this journey I knew we would have missteps, I knew we would encounter pitfalls. I anticipated that we would find ourselves at different places at different times. We are very different people, he and I. We do not learn and process things the same way. We do not grow and change at the same rate. We have been together a long time and I know these things. I thought I was prepared.
I knew when we started this journey that I was far ahead of him. I recognize that this is my need, not his. I understand that he is willing to make these changes and take this journey with me because he loves me.
I get that there is no road map to follow and that sometimes when you venture into the unknown you run the risk of getting lost. Sometimes you get lost in dangerous territory, a place you must stay vigilant in, or someone might get hurt. I knew this and I still took the risk.
The risk has paid off in many ways. I often find this unknown territory to be a place of great beauty and immeasurable joy. I can fly higher there then I have ever flown before. It's euphoric. It's better then any drug I've ever tried, and I've tried a few.
My wings are new, we are still learning the subtleties of controlling them. Sometimes everything goes well and I fly smoothly. I soar and swoop and even do loop-de-loops and I land gracefully on a rainbow.
Sometimes we bobble on take off, the flight proceeds in fits and starts. Sometimes we go the wrong way and the landscape isn't so beautiful. I don't soar during these flights. Instead, I struggle to stay aloft and follow the course set before me. Sometimes we aren't vigilant enough and can't see that the course set before us leads to disaster. Sometimes I crash.
I don't regret taking the risk. I'll take it again soon, but now, I'm just going to hide for awhile and give my broken wings some time to heal.
I will fly again and it will be beautiful.