Just Thinking

I can feel the frustration building like an evil energy.

It feels like I need to open a fawcet and let it all pour out.

I think it may be to late for that, maybe a controlled explosion.

What I really need is to just explode, over and over and over.....without end.

I want to fly free, cartwheeling through space, softly caressing the joy as it carries me so softly along.

I want to experience the blindness of true freedom and glory in the brilliance of it's light.

I don't want to walk through the dark rooms of mind, they scare me sometimes.

I see you there, so far away it seems, you haven't noticed me yet.

I want to scream, but I don't dare open my mouth or I will drown in the emotion engulfing me.

Come close, I want to touch, I want to feel.

I Want.

I miss my lover.

The Adventures of Nurse Faerie

Ever have the need to write, but have nothing to say? Nothing wise, nothing witty, nothing wonderful makes for a whiny post.

Musicman is doing well but it is slow going. He is able to do more and  more for himself everyday, but I'm firmly in nurse mode at the moment. Managing meds and doctor appointments, feeding and clothing and blah blah blah. Yep, that's what it feels like, that's what I feel like, blah blah blah.

Musicman is very frustrated right now, he does not do weak well. The more he sees me moving and doing the worse it gets. I try to remember when he has an outburst that not only is he dealing with a lot of pain, but it must be very emasculating for him. He is not the type of guy to sit around doing nothing while I run around like a headless chicken. But things have to be that way right now.

We are both feeling the frustration of not being able to be together. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow and that's just way too long for either of us. Of course, we could try, but me moving around too much in the bed causes him pain, so it's not really practical right now. His incisions are not healed yet and between the cath and the surgery he is a giant bruise from his collar bone to his heel, not really play inducing.

I keep telling myself this too will pass and try to remember how grateful I am that we found this in time and fixed it. Sometimes that just isn't enough, I need my big strong husband back, and he needs to be back.

I'm off to clean and do some laundry and fantasize about the day he is well again.

Need and Frustration

He has asked me to be patient. I'm trying but patience is a virtue I wasn't blessed with.

I don't want to need this anymore.

I'm tired of hearing myself talk.

I'm exhausted from trying to explain things I don't fully understand.

Expectations were high, reality did not meet the expectation.

Frustration and hurt reign supreme.

If I ignore this need will it go away?

Why can't he just read my mind?

I give up.