24 Hours

Thursday night, we're snuggled up in bed. Many things, too mundane to share, have left me somewhat frustrated. I'm blindsided by a rogue hormone and despite my attempts to suppress them, the tears start to fall. I don't want him to know, I silently turn away.

He knows me too well, he doesn't accept my actions. He reaches to caress my face, searching for the silent tears he suspects are falling. I could fool any and every one in my life with my silent tears, learned so long ago. Not him, I've never been able to fool him.

He pulls me to him, safe, enfolded in his arms.

What's wrong, what can I do to help?

I don't know.
It's nothing.
Just a rogue hormone.
I'm fine.

You might be fine, but I want you to be better than fine.

At a loss for words, I shrug and remain silent, because I have no answers to give.

He doesn't accept that either. He flips me over his lap while reaching for the paddle. I don't know why and I don't care why, but from the first stroke of the paddle I begin to be better than fine.

Later, much later, I fall asleep in his arms. I'm now much better than fine. The silent tears long since ceased.

Friday morning, we lurch awake and stagger from our cozy nest. I fall into his arms and he tilts his head so I can snuggle in and kiss his neck. He holds me tight for just a moment while I continue to rain kisses upon him. Too soon we must part and get on with our day.

Friday evening, a long day behind us, tired and weary, we seek solace in each other, snuggled again in our bed.

What are you grinning about?

Am I grinning? I hadn't realized that I was.

Yes, you're grinning. What about?

I'm thinking about you in my mouth. I want to suck your cock. I want to feel you deep in my throat.

Have I mentioned that I'm a very spoiled girl and he gives me everything I want?

Want Becomes Need

I had gotten to a place where my needs felt more like wants. I was comfortable with that. Needing things I can't provide for myself scares me. I had become comfortable with my kink being just that, a kink. Something I wanted, but didn't necessarily need. Yeah, I can live with that.

Now, let's introduce stress into my life. I'm accustomed to stress, but this was above and beyond. I was thrust into a situation I'd hoped to never find myself in again. A work situation, with a large group of women. Stress to the Nth degree.

I did well for quite a few days, managed the stress pretty well all on my own. It in no way effected my personal wants. I never considered employing my kink for stress relief. It didn't seem necessary, it remained exactly where I had put it. A want, that was in no way related to my life outside the bedroom.

Now, let's elevate the stress by introducing a vindictive bitch into the mix. One who doesn't particularly care much for me. Apparently, I offend her sensibilities in many ways. I have tattoo's, I call people honey and dear. I have bad habits that she doesn't approve of, even though they don't effect my work at all. She informed me of all this while all the time shoving her religion down my throat. I despise people like that.

I took the high road, ignoring and excusing her behavior as not worth my time. I learned a long time ago that people like this are not worth me wasting my breath on. During all this Musicman was supportive and helpful, saying all the right things. Shoring me up and keeping me going, moving me closer to my goal. It never occurred to me to ask for more. I had everything I needed and everything I wanted.

Then I made a critical mistake. I left my back unprotected. The vindictive bitch struck fast and hard, she blindsided me.  The pain from the knife buried in my back was too much for me. There were no words that could fix the situation, there wasn't enough support in the world Musicman could offer. A want quickly degenerated into a need.

I needed something more. I needed an outlet for the emotional pain I was experiencing. I needed an escape from the nightmare I suddenly found myself in. I needed a way to purge the stress. I needed a way to relax and some ability to sleep through the night again.

The kink was no longer a want. Through no fault of my own, my kink had become more than a want, it became a need. I'm more comfortable with it being a want, but sometimes it is a very real need. Musicman recognized this and gave me everything I needed and then some.

The stress vanquished, I finally slept well again. The vindictive bitch is still in the picture, but my back is no longer unprotected. She will not blindside me again, god help her if she tries. Many think of it as just a kink. Sometimes it's a want, sometimes it's a need. It's become my secret weapon, defending me from the evil in the world.

Em vs. Rat

Hi I'm Emotional Mind, but you can call me Em, all my friends do. I have to hurry because Rat doesn't like it when I talk without her around. She thinks that just because she is the Rational Mind she can control me. 


Ha! I fooled her, I called in reinforcements, the Hormones. They're mean, they scare Rat because she can't control them the way she can me. Rat is resting right now because the Hormones have been kicking her ass for 2 days now. 


Em, get off that computer, you know you can't write a post without me.

Oh yes I can, I don't need you. You have been gone for 2 days and I've been fine.


Fine? You call being mean to Musicman and crying whenever you feel like it fine?

Well, alright so I wasn't fine, but I was holding my own. I didn't need your help. If you would just let me do the talking then everything would be okay.


I let you do the talking last night and what did you accomplish? Really, Musicman was so busy handing you tissues and trying to calm you down I doubt he heard anything you had to say.  Besides you don't have anything important to say.

Oh yes I do, I know how to make the mean Hormones go away. 


Exactly how do you propose to do that?

That's what I wanted to talk to Musicman about. He always makes them go away. If you weren't so stubborn and would admit we need his help then we could just tell him what to do to help us.


You're crazy, I don't need any help and I'm not going to let you tell Musicman anything. He doesn't want to hear what you have to say.

Yes he does want to hear what I have to say, he wants to help us. If you would just get over yourself already and listen to me we could talk to him together and then he could help us.


Let me get this straight, you think if we tell Musicman that him spanking us will keep the mean Hormones away everything will be okay? Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?

I know it sounds stupid, and I know you don't believe it, but I think it will work. I just need you to help me tell him, cause I have such a hard time talking to him. 


Well I still think it's a stupid idea and I'm not helping you. I'm strong enough to fight the Hormones, and one of these days I will win.

Ha! Gotcha again, I already told Musicman that it would help.


I know, but he didn't believe you. You missed that because you were too busy crying on his chest.

That's okay, he may not have believed me, but that's not all I told him. I told him I really wanted him to read here and he said he would. 


You are so naive, do you really think he is going to do that?

He said he would. He said he wanted to, but didn't ask because he didn't think we wanted him to. That's your fault, your the one who thinks you're so strong that you don't need any help. 


Just because he said that doesn't mean he will do it. He probably just wanted you to stop crying. I'm the one in charge and I am not going to remind him, so there.

You may be the one in charge right now but we both know we haven't seen the last of the Hormones. They will come back and they will kick your ass again, because you aren't as strong as you pretend to be. I'm gonna let them too, and while you're distracted fighting with the Hormones I'll talk to him again. And I'll keep talking to him until he understands what we need.


I'm not too worried about that, you don't understand it yourself, so you can't explain it to him.

We'll see about that.

Just Thinking

I can feel the frustration building like an evil energy.

It feels like I need to open a fawcet and let it all pour out.

I think it may be to late for that, maybe a controlled explosion.

What I really need is to just explode, over and over and over.....without end.

I want to fly free, cartwheeling through space, softly caressing the joy as it carries me so softly along.

I want to experience the blindness of true freedom and glory in the brilliance of it's light.

I don't want to walk through the dark rooms of mind, they scare me sometimes.

I see you there, so far away it seems, you haven't noticed me yet.

I want to scream, but I don't dare open my mouth or I will drown in the emotion engulfing me.

Come close, I want to touch, I want to feel.

I Want.

I miss my lover.