Monday, July 16, 2018

Post-op Post

It's  been a little over a week since my surgery. It took 3 hours instead of 1 hour as they expected.  They found significantly more damage than was expected.  That resulted in 2 incisions around my shoulder instead of 1.

I'm in a sling again and am not supposed to move the shoulder at all.  That makes simple things like bathing, dressing or using the bathroom quite the challenge, but I'm doing pretty good with it all.

As I expected, Musicman is not a good caregiver.  I was really hoping he would step up and put my needs first, but that hasn't happened .   In fact he acts quite put out if I ask him for help, so I don't  ask unless it's absolutely necessary.

Our son is still here, I  haven't spoken  a single word to him, nor has he spoken to me.  Musicman would like me to make amends with my son, but I did nothing wrong and have nothing to say to him. Especially since something as simple as him not liking my tone of voice can set him off.

I have my post-op appointment on Thursday.  Once I have that and find out what comes next with my shoulder, will dictate what I do next. 

Honestly, I  just keep thinking,  I want to go home. To me that is no longer here, it's down south with my brother and T.  I've actually felt that way since I got back.  I'm not happy here, I am when I'm down there. 

Musicman has no idea, that I'm aware of, that I'm planning on leaving. Though really he shouldn't be surprised, I told him I would not stay if our son was here.  Musicman has done nothing to make him leave.

The positive is I'm healing well. And while leaving here and Musicman isn't a positive thing and definitely isn't going to be easy, the thought of doing it,  getting through it, makes me happy.  I just don't feel like I belong here anymore.


18 comments:

  1. Oh Faerie I am so sorry life has been beyond difficult for you for so long now. I hope that no matter what you decide, or where you end up happiness will find you.

    willie

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    1. Thank you willie, I haven't given up completely on my marriage, 32 years is a long time to just give up on, at least for me. I have 6 more weeks in the sling, ugh. I am leaving next Saturday to go back to my brother and T. Musicmatch isn't happy about it but I do think he understands why I'm going and what actions he needs to take if he wants to save this relationship .

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  2. I too am so very sorry for everything you are dealing with and my biggest hope is that you heal and find happiness. Glad the recovery is going well.

    Sending positive vibes and huge (((hugs)))
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz, it's been a rough year for sure. The doctors say 6 months yet before I'm fully healed. Saturday I'm headed back south to my brother's, he and T take great care of me and I'm much more comfortable there. Hopefully when I get home at the end of August things here will have improved some .

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  3. The good thing is you're healing. It's hard to do so when the rest of life is getting you down, so you (and your body) are doing a splendid job! As Roz and Wilma said, I do hope that you find happiness (and relief perhaps) whatever you choose.

    Love and hugs.

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    1. Relief from some of the stress is coming soon as I leave to go back south to be with my brother and T this Saturday. It will be good for me and things are coming to a head with the issues T has been dealing with at the facility her mom is at so I'll be there for support for her.

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  4. I'm glad you surgery is over. With that behind you both your mind and your body can begin to heal. Your future is now completely in your hands and that should be an empowering feeling. Wherever you live we're all behind you.

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    1. I have a long way to go towards being healed, but at least I'm on the right road. I have decided I'm going back to my brother's this Saturday. I will be back at the end of August. Musicman knows what he needs to do while I'm gone if there is going to be any hope of salvaging our marriage.

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  5. I'm so sorry you're going through this, Faerie. I'm glad you're healing and I imagine that knowing you have options is helpful. I'm holding you in my thoughts...

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    1. It is helpful knowing I have options. Without the support of my brother and T I'm not sure what I would do. I'll be spending the next 6 weeks with them. It will do me so much good both physically and mentally.

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  6. it is postively awful when you feel you don't belong somewhere - when it is no longer your safe haven place of peace... I *do* understand.

    Whatever you decide to do you will manage it well -- you will come through to the other side I promise you!!

    For now just heal and get strong.......

    thinking of you

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    1. Thank you morningstar. I couldn't have said it better about how I'm feeling about what's going on in life. I never ever thought I'd find myself in this position, yet here I am. I'm so grateful to have everyone's support. It is appreciated so much.

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  7. I am glad you are healing well. Wherever you find your true home to be I wish you happiness. Hugs

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    1. Thank you Terpsichore, I'm leaving Saturday to go back to my brother's .I'll be gone until the end of August. Musicman is well aware of what he needs to do while I'm gone if he wants to repair our relationship. I am sincerely hoping he does it,

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  8. I've re-read this a couple of times fairy. You've been on my heart ever since the first time. Please if you need someone to talk with let me know.
    Jlynne

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    1. Just to clarify what i mean by that- I still have connections with the person I spoke to you about before if You'd like to talk with her. Her situation almost mirrors your own.
      Big Hugs,
      Jlynne

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    2. Jlynne, thank you so much for the support and offer of a listening ear. This is a very difficult situation to be sure. I'm leaving Saturday and will be gone 6 weeks. Musicman has one last chance to do what he needs to do to salvage our relationship, if he doesn't , things will be done and I might just take you up on your offer. I appreciate it so much.

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  9. You've been as upfront and honest with him as you can be. It is up to him now. I hope you heal quickly, physically and mentally.

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