Trust is not something that comes easily for me. Growing up in a home rife with abuse will do that to a person. I built walls so high and so thick no one was getting through.
I learned very young not to count on anyone but myself. I didn't wait or look for anyone to come and save me. I saved myself. I spent 5 years alone, doing what I needed to do to survive and thrive.
Then Musicman burst into my life. He was a game changer. He didn't take no for an answer when he wanted something, and he wanted me.
It definitely took a while, but together we broke through the walls. I learned to trust, I learned what being part of a large, loving family was like. I felt like that was a true gift that Musicman gave me.
We've been together over 3 decades. I had gotten to a place that felt safe and secure. I trusted him. I can honestly say he's the only person in my life I have ever really truly trusted.
But, (there's always a but, isn't there), in the last few years he's lied to me, hidden things from me, and in general broke my trust. So much so, that last summer I removed my collar.
I miss it. I miss what it represented to me. Trust.
Let me be clear, he did NOT cheat. He's never raised a hand to me in anger.
He says the things he hid and lied about were minor, though he could give me no good reasons for this behavior, that I " should just get over it".
Yeah, I'm working on that. A story for another day.