Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Problem is, I Don't Know What the Problem is.

When I first proposed we add D/s to our relationship it wasn't in an attempt to fix anything. We had always been good together and nothing really needed fixing. I proposed it to fulfill a growing desire in myself that was emerging. A desire to be more submissive, a desire for him to be more dominant.

I did have some qualms about proposing this change. Though for us, it wasn't really a change as much as it was an increase in intensity of our play. Musicman was very quick to point that out to me. He pointed out that he has always been the one in charge and I have always been the one that followed, so no real change in our day to day lives, at least outside the bedroom.

I had no idea when I first proposed this how deeply it would effect me. I did however worry that if it didn't work what might happen. I worried that I would become dependent upon a stronger show of dominance from him and that things wouldn't go well if it wasn't always there. I worried that in an attempt to make a great relationship better, it might backfire and ruin it all together.

That is exactly what seems to be happening. The last few times we have come together it hasn't been very good for me. I have gone from being multi orgasmic to not being able to achieve even one. This has been occurring for a couple weeks now. It sucks and I don't know why it's happening, that sucks even more.

He is quite rightly frustrated with me. He has never been the kind of man that takes without making sure I get a happy ending or more. I am devastated by this. Sex with Musicman has always been wonderfully satisfying, a connection of the souls. I miss that so much.

We have talked about this, he wants to know why this is happening. I have no answers for him. I don't know why this is happening. I don't know how to fix it. I could speculate that it is a lack of dominance. It's been almost a month since any kind of real spanking has occurred and any other kind of dominance has been sketchy at best.

In theory, I want to reject this idea. I don't want it to be true that if our sex life doesn't have some form of D/s in it, it won't work. It always did before, so why wouldn't it now? I could speculate that it is a result of all the continuing stress in our life. We've always had stress in our life, it never effected me this way before. In fact, during times of stress I've always turned to sex as a way to combat the stress, and it always worked. So why now?

I suppose it could be a side effect of menopause. If that's the case, why is it just rearing it's ugly head now? I've been dealing with the effects of menopause for a number of years now. I could speculate any number of things, but the fact remains, I just don't know. How am supposed to fix this if I can't figure out what it is I need to fix?


16 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. There very well could be a hormonal imbalance in play here, but maybe alongside or instead of that, it's just a cool period in your relationship. No matter how in love we are with our partners, I think that every now and then it's normal to go through times when you are just not that into it. I guess the highs wouldn't be so high without experiencing the lows, as much as that sucks. I hope this passes quickly, but maybe see a doctor just to rule out anything medical?

    Big hugs!
    River

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    1. I suppose it could be a cool period, maybe I don't recognize it because it has so rarely happened with us. I never considered seeing a doctor, which is odd since I am always making sure that Musicman sees all the doctors he needs.

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  2. As i was reading this i kept shaking my head....yep could be that...truth be it could be any of those...and the combination of the three, is a pretty sure bet. I really sucks with the part of your relationship that you could once count on falls apart, but you had it, you can find it again.
    hugs abby

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    1. I hope I find it again soon, I miss it. I have a feeling it is a combination of everything that is causing this issue, now I just have to figure out a good way to deal with it all.

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  3. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough spot I hope that things get better.

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    1. Thank you Angel Blue. Things will get better, I just have no idea when that will be.

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  4. Hey Faerie...So sorry you are having difficulties. Yes, it could be any or a combination of all the things you mentioned. As my doctor told me...just because something didn't impact you negatively before doesn't mean it won't this time. I would suggest you have a complete physical...I can tell you that high blood pressure and/or blood sugar out of whack can hurt your sex drive...happened to a dear friend of mine and almost cost her marriage before they got it figured out.

    Sending lots of prayers and positive energy your way!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat, a physical is probably a good idea. I never even considered it, likely because I am always so busy taking care of Musicman's extensive medical concerns that I often ignore my own.

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  5. H Faerie, I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. I agree, it could be a combination of everything you have mentioned and perhaps you should see your doctor to rule out any medical/hormonal issues. I hope you find some answers and that things get better soon.

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    1. Seems like I have been doing that a lot lately huh? I really need spring to come. Seeing a doctor seems like a good idea, it's certainly a popular suggestion. As I have told the others, I never even thought about doing that, so I guess it was a good thing I have all of you to do that for me.

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  6. things will get better faerie, there are always bumps on the road and I am sure you will both get through it, I do agree with Roz to check with a DR and rule out any medical/hormonal issues.

    HUGS
    Aluv

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    1. Thanks Atiya, I hope this latest bump passes quickly.

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  7. I agree with advice already given - it's always a good idea to have a medical once over just to rule out anything physical.

    If not that... Then maybe it is subconscious resentment at the lack of control and heavier play? Or maybe it's just time of the year/month/weather/not enough sleep/one of those things?

    (((hugs)))

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    1. I have a feeling it is a combination of many things, but a physical is a good idea, one I never thought about.

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  8. Sex is so complicated that there are probably a lot of factors for why you are hitting this bump in the road. Stress can always be a factor. But I agree with the consensus that you should start with an overall physical. If that doesn't show anything, maybe a kink friendly sex therapist might be a good idea. Good luck.

    FD

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    1. Yes, sex is complicated, but we will figure it out, whether with the help of a doctor or by ourselves, we will figure it out.

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