When I first proposed we add D/s to our relationship it wasn't in an attempt to fix anything. We had always been good together and nothing really needed fixing. I proposed it to fulfill a growing desire in myself that was emerging. A desire to be more submissive, a desire for him to be more dominant.
I did have some qualms about proposing this change. Though for us, it wasn't really a change as much as it was an increase in intensity of our play. Musicman was very quick to point that out to me. He pointed out that he has always been the one in charge and I have always been the one that followed, so no real change in our day to day lives, at least outside the bedroom.
I had no idea when I first proposed this how deeply it would effect me. I did however worry that if it didn't work what might happen. I worried that I would become dependent upon a stronger show of dominance from him and that things wouldn't go well if it wasn't always there. I worried that in an attempt to make a great relationship better, it might backfire and ruin it all together.
That is exactly what seems to be happening. The last few times we have come together it hasn't been very good for me. I have gone from being multi orgasmic to not being able to achieve even one. This has been occurring for a couple weeks now. It sucks and I don't know why it's happening, that sucks even more.
He is quite rightly frustrated with me. He has never been the kind of man that takes without making sure I get a happy ending or more. I am devastated by this. Sex with Musicman has always been wonderfully satisfying, a connection of the souls. I miss that so much.
We have talked about this, he wants to know why this is happening. I have no answers for him. I don't know why this is happening. I don't know how to fix it. I could speculate that it is a lack of dominance. It's been almost a month since any kind of real spanking has occurred and any other kind of dominance has been sketchy at best.
In theory, I want to reject this idea. I don't want it to be true that if our sex life doesn't have some form of D/s in it, it won't work. It always did before, so why wouldn't it now? I could speculate that it is a result of all the continuing stress in our life. We've always had stress in our life, it never effected me this way before. In fact, during times of stress I've always turned to sex as a way to combat the stress, and it always worked. So why now?
I suppose it could be a side effect of menopause. If that's the case, why is it just rearing it's ugly head now? I've been dealing with the effects of menopause for a number of years now. I could speculate any number of things, but the fact remains, I just don't know. How am supposed to fix this if I can't figure out what it is I need to fix?