Musicman and I have been together for more than half our lives. He loves me, flaws and all. I love him, flaws and all. That is important to me. He is a naturally dominant man. Turns out, I am a naturally submissive woman. If you knew us in real life and knew what to look for, it would be very apparent. We are that annoying couple that is always together and always happy to be together. That doesn't mean that things always run smoothly.
We've had one of THOSE weeks.
The kind of week were my hormones run amok. The kind of week were the tears leak out despite my best attempts to hide them. The kind of week where I needed him to step up and take care of me.
That didn't happen. Instead, things were said. Things that hurt my feelings. I know that was not his intention, but it's what happened. I forgot that this "lifestyle" is only a lifestyle to me. To him, it's just a game. A fun, kinky game, to be indulged on occasion.
For the most part, I can accept that, except when I need his help, then it's not so much fun and games.
I did what I was supposed to do. I communicated. To no avail. He wasn't in the mood to play. Too many other things occupied his mind and took up too much of his energy. There was nothing left for me.
I tried to be understanding. I found other things to occupy my time and expend my energy. It didn't help much, communication( the holy grail of TTWD) broke down. Distance ensued.
I feel adrift, without my anchor, flailing about. I have not the energy, or the willingness, to beg. If I felt I could go back to a time before I knew how wonderfully fulfilling submission could make me feel, I would. I know that won't work. Yet, I no longer have the energy to go forward.