Wednesday, November 6, 2013

At a Loss


Musicman and  I have always had a unique connection. Primarily, a sexual connection.

Sex has always been a major, front and center, part of my life. It's not always been a positive thing in my life, but it's always been present. I worked hard to turn sex from a dark, abusive event into a beautiful, uplifting presence in my life.

I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. But, I persevered and I did find him. We've spent almost 3 decades together. Throughout those decades, we've always communicated best, through sex.

It's just who we are, what we do. There has never been a time when we lived like distant roommates. Coming together, a few moments of passion, that's how we communicate, that's how understand each other. That's what makes life worth living for us.

Now? Well...now it's not happening so much. Just once a week. Almost no D/s involved. That makes me sad. Definitely no spanking occurring. That makes me even sadder.

It's not working so well for me. I don't think it works very well for Musicman either. I want to fix this issue between us. I'm not sure how. We seem so far apart. I try, but I can't seem to bridge the gap.

All I really know, is that I will continue to try. I want him back. I want to connect in that special way that only we can. But, I'm at a loss as to how I can make that happen.





22 comments:

  1. Hi Faerie,

    I just found your blog so wanted to say Hi. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Longing for that connection is no fun I know. Talk to him.

    (((Hugs)))
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz :) You're right, this feeling is no fun. I should talk to him, but he doesn't much care to talk about these kinds of things. However, he does read every post I write, so he will know.

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  2. We have always connected in very much the same way. When sex is absent it seems like everything else begins to break down. We've been in the same situation for the past month and a half. We are finally starting to have sex again and it's just now starting to feel like more than just sex...if that makes any sense.

    Just keep trying. Keep trying to connect in other ways as well. I hate that you're feeling this way and hope this start looking up soon

    hugs
    p

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    1. More that just sex...makes total sense to me. Lately, the times we have come together, something has felt a bit off, almost mechanical maybe. We'll keep trying and I'm sure at some point it will all work itself out.

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  3. You have been through a LOT in the last few months....keep reaching out.
    Hugs abby

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    1. This year has definitely been very challenging for us. I keep trying to remind myself of that when I become inpatient with the way things are going. Rarely helps, but I will keep trying.

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  4. wish i had something profound to say....hugs.....the girlsve are right...keep reaching out.

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    1. Thanks Hs, I will keep trying to make that connection with him. I have to, I can't live without it.

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  5. Just keep the doors open. Actually, grab him, go upstairs to your bedroom, lock the door and everyone else be damned. Hugs to you.

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    1. That's a thought. Maybe if we are too loud they will leave? Heeheehee, worth a try I suppose.

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  6. Good luck in finding a way to connect with him again. It is unfortunate that it has come to this point. Does you read your blog? Maybe that would be a start to letting him know how you are feeling these days.

    FD

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    1. He does read here. There is just so much going on all the time, and privacy of any kind seems to be non existent right now. Honestly, I've been ready to run away for quite awhile now. If only I could convince Musicman to come with me.

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  7. Oh faerie...are we on parallel paths, or what? Sir and I have always been those people. Sex has always been woven into every stitch of our relationship. Passion has always been high. Until...until recently when it all went away. I want it all back...I think he does too..we just can't manage to close the deal with any consistency.

    I hope we can both find the right track back to our D/s spanko lives!

    hugs to you dear faerie,
    fiona

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    1. We do seem to be experiencing some of the same things don't we? Personally, I find it extremely hard knowing how great it could be, to accept what is going on now. I sincerely hope we both find our way back to a good place soon.

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  8. hugs faerie! There's been so much happening it's gonna take time. Wanting it and recognizing that you want it are big steps in themselves. Hang in there and keep reaching towards him not away.

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    1. All great advice chickadee, I'm just too inpatient to wait. I've always felt I could face anything, deal with anything, as long as I did it with him by my side. Not having that connection right now, just seems to make all the difficult things we've been dealing with that much more difficult.

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  9. The longer you leave it, the harder it's gonna be. Send him this email!
    You know how to reach me if you want a blether.

    Dee x

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    1. Thanks Dee, I do miss our chats, life has just been so hectic. He reads every post I write, so no need to send an email. If something doesn't give soon though, you may want to get the guest room ready, cause I'm running away, lol.

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  10. keep reaching, keep trying, keep hoping for opportunities for intimacy, and if those opportunities don't seem to arrive on their own...then grab them...easier said than done...I know...but I am cheering for you and hoping with you...may you find the connection you both need soon. Wish you could both escape somewhere fun together for a while... Hugs

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    1. I would LOVE to escape some where fun with him. Actually, anywhere private would be fine with me, just not in the cards right now. I'll keep trying, I have too, cause I'm not happy with where we are right now.

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  11. I am sorry that really sucks. That intimate connection is so important. When DH doesn't get that sexual connection with me, he will start to drift, going into dark places in his mind, feeling an overpowering sensation of loss. So I get it.
    Try to remind each other that when times permits you will get there again, hold on.

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    1. I understand exactly that dark place and over powering sensation of loss. It's awful. We are doing our best to hold on and to make that connection again.

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