Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Two Years and One Full Circle

Two years ago, after lurking in this community for about a year, I took the plunge and started this blog. It has been the only time in my life I have successfully kept any kind of journal. I've started many of them over the years, but very quickly lost interest.

I think the main reason I have not lost interest this time, or been able to stop writing, though I tried a few times, is you. My readers. I don't write for you, but the energy I receive from you has been invaluable to me.

I've made friends. I've felt, for once in my life, like I actually fit it in somewhere. I've learned so much about myself and in some smaller way about Musicman. I've shared secrets that I haven't ever felt comfortable sharing in my real life. I've received immeasurable support when facing unimaginable challenges. You just don't get that from a simple journal.

You have celebrated with me when things are going well. You have cried with me when things aren't going so well. You have sent me healing energy and strength to face what ever lay ahead of me. Many of you have prayed for me. Thank you.

As I look back over these two years I feel like I have come full circle. I started out struggling to figure out exactly what it is I wanted and needed. Then I struggled with overcoming my embarrassment of what I needed and wanted and how to communicate those things to Musicman.

Having this blog helped with that too, since he always reads everything I write. He rarely ever comments on any of it, but when appropriate, he does take action. Him being able to have this small peek into my brain definitely helped us get to a really great place.

Having this place to come to and get it all out has saved my sanity, or at least what's left of it as everything we achieved fell apart. That is where we seem to be now, back at square one. Some of that is through no fault of our own and some of it is.

I have no idea where we go from here. I know I want it all back, but going back is impossible. We could work on rebuilding what we had. Someday, we just might do that, but for now it doesn't seem to be a priority, for either of us.

That's not necessarily a good thing, because when I am able to be my true submissive self is when I am most happy. I want to be happy again. I want to be his "little faerie" again. I just don't seem to be able to find the strength or a good place to start. Maybe I will find that strength along with the answers I need here, in this blog.



22 comments:

  1. Happy second anniversary. Your insights are always welcome in this community and I want to give you best wishes going forward. Hope you will keep blogging and share your experiences with the rest of us. And hope you find the strength to enjoy the lifestyle you want and deserve.

    FD

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    1. Thanks FD, I do plan on continuing to write here. It helps so much in figuring everything out and I do still have a LOT to figure out. :)

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  2. Happy Anniversary! congratulations!! thank you for sharing with us, I am not huge on comments but I am a huge lurker :)))

    Aluv

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    1. Thanks Aluv :) I seem to have become a bit of a lurker myself lately :)

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  3. Faerie,

    Happy Anniversary. This is a very special community.

    I lurk more than I comment but I do enjoy stopping by.

    Love and best wishes going forward,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Thanks Ronnie, I have become quite the lurker myself lately.

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  4. Happy anniversary, you have become an important member of our community, with wonderful insights to share. Thank you for being here.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks abby. I'm so very happy I found this wonderful community and all the great people that inhabit it :)

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  5. Happy Anniversary. You know things never stay the same and they say change is growth. Sometimes you just want to stop growing but you can never go back to the way things were, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try. You are different people because of the experiences you have shared over the past year.
    Enjoy the ride. lol

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    1. I'm definitely ready to STOP growing for awhile, lol. Oh well, guess that's not really possible. It has been a very challenging year for us so it's really no surprise that we are experiencing this back slide. I don't know about you, but I'm very, very happy 2014 is almost here :)

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  6. Happy Anniversary. Yours was one of the first blogs I read and then I knew I had found the right community. Thank you for being part of us and sharing.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Thanks DelFonte, it truly is a great place to be and I've never felt like I belonged so well any other place :)

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  7. I'm so glad you're here faerie - I do know for sure that you belong here and are one of us. I understand about ups and downs in ttwd. It will be different but it will go up to a good place again as surely as it sometimes goes down. Happy anniversary - here is definitely one place you should be.

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    1. Thanks Elis, I owe much of my being here to you. You and your blogs have always been an inspiration for me. I may not have as much time as I would like to write or read here anymore, but I do plan on continuing. Who else could I possibly share this part of my life with?

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  8. I am so glad to have you be a part of this community. This community has been an amazing awakening for so many of us - a place for all of us in which we can be us - in which we can feel we belong. It is a great feeling. Happy anniversary. Hugs

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    1. Thanks Terpsichore. This is a really wonderful place and I'm so glad you finally joined too. I don't comment as often as I should but I always stop in to read :)

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  9. First dear Faerie, CONGRATS on two years! Wow! I am right there with you. My baby blog is only a year old, but I've never even kept a journal more than a couple months? If that.

    Second...I'm sure that you two can work your way back, you have to want it and you have to talk. But one step at a time. The problem is the patience and willingness to take the steps. Both of those are hard. I am so sorry. But you know what you've had and what makes you happy, so you're starting at a much different place than when you began the journey two years ago.

    I wish you peace my friend and swift shoes for the road ahead. I wish Musicman energy and courage to take steps that need to be taken. I wish you both contentment!

    HUGS,
    fiona

    BTW, I'm thrilled that you chose faerie...I can now spell it without thinking :)

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    1. Blogging really is different in some way to journaling, isn't it?

      You are right about us being in a different place than when we started 2 years ago. Maybe that will make it a little easier to fight our way back. I hope so any way.

      As for choosing faerie, there was never a choice, I have always adored faeries of all kinds and all things faerie related. I have several of them tattooed on my body and have some kind of faerie in almost every room in my home. In fact, I just got a new case for my cell phone, it has butterflies on it. When Musicman saw it he immediately stated, "couldn't find a faerie one huh?" Heeheehee, the man knows me so well :)

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  10. Faerie,
    Happy Second Anniversary!
    Blogland, its a pretty terrific place ;)

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    1. Thanks Bleuame, yes it is a pretty terrific place :)

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