Sunday, October 6, 2013

The Storm at the End of a Perfect Day.

Fair warning: this post is so far from topic. I just need some place to vent. If you're not interested, that's totally fine, feel free to browse the blogroll. It needs updated, but still has many relevant writers.

I think I'm in a bit of shock. I know, I'm way too old and way too wise, to have to deal with this kind of issue. And yet, I see the irony of it all. I wonder, did I invite this?

Growing up as a victim of abuse, of all kinds, I was always determined that would not happen to my kids. I protected them, I educated them, on how to protect themselves.

I did not do any of this alone. Musicman was always there. He stood up as a great example to our daughter, of what she should want in a man. I know he succeeded, because she's told me all she wants, is a man like her father. I don't think she has achieved that yet, but that's a different story.

He stood up as a great example to our son and provided a perfect model for a what man should be. He taught him the basics, that seem to be so often overlooked these days. He taught him, by example, you take care of your lady. You provide for and protect your lady. He taught him to be the man and always be the one in control of any given situation.

Our son has taken those lessons to heart. He's grown into an honorable man. He's been with his girlfriend for a couple years. She's a smart young lady and has in many ways, been a good influence on our son. I like her a lot, she reminds me some of a younger me.

She and I usually get along quite well and talk about everything, including birth control, because I know she is having sex with our son. I'm not really the warm, fuzzy kinda mom. I'm much more the mom that's gonna tell you the cold hard facts about life and what to do to survive.

My son has understood that about me and confided in me, about his relationship with his GF. It's been volatile. Not on his part, but on her's. She has rage issues. This is something I have talked extensively about, with both of them. Clearly, she has been hurt. Both of us love her and want to help her. That's what makes what happens next so hard to accept.

Our day started off so nice. We took a day trip, something we love to do, but haven't really had much time for. It was a wonderful day of strolling around, indulging ourselves and just in general relaxing and enjoying each other. We even sang along together in the car. I know, such a silly thing, yet something I love so much.

Many hours, many miles and many pics later we arrived home. Of course, it was a full house. Daughter, grandbaby and baby daddy, all present and accounted for. Son and girlfriend? Check, they're home too.

Musicman had errands to run. He leaves, despite the fact that ominous sounds are coming from our son's room.  They're fighting, nothing new there. We both know that our son would never get physical with his girlfriend, nothing bad is gonna happen. Yeah, we so underestimated that.

I don't think either one of us could have conceived that our son would be a victim. While Musicman was gone, the fight escalated. That beautiful, hurt, little girl, in a rage, pulled a knife. Our son was stabbed.

That's when shit becomes very, very real. Blood everywhere. Trying to separate and de-escalate the situation. Have I mentioned recently, that I'm an older lady, don't really want to have to jump in between two young things determined to kill each other. Yet, have no choice, other than to stop it, cause I ain't burying either one of them.

Yeah, at that moment in time, life totally sucks. Instinct kicks in. Orders get issued. I did have to call in reinforcements. I couldn't control my son by myself. He's taller than me, he's thin, lanky, all muscle. Way too much for me to handle, while trying to contain her at the same time.

Cops came to my home, the ambulance came to my home. The local freaking news came to my home. Our son went to the ER, while his girlfriend went to jail. I spent the evening cleaning the blood out of my home.

I always thought about the need to protect my daughter from domestic violence. I never thought my son would be a victim. Damn, that pisses me off.








33 comments:

  1. Faerie,
    I am so sorry to hear what happened to your son. I hope things get better soon.
    You and your family are in my thoughts.
    Moxi

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    1. Thank you Moxi, the whole situation is a nightmare. I wish I could wake up.

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  2. Faerie,
    That stinks! It's insane she would do that to him, that they would do this to you. You don' t need this. You don't need her back with your son - but there's a good chance that will happen. I'm glad you can rant here. Rant away, but I really wish there was something I could do except listen. I put up a minor rant today and you've helped me realize how minor.

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    1. Oh Elis, I so wish I had something fun and light to write about, but life just hasn't had much fun or lightness in it recently. I do know there is a chance he will forgive her and take her back, believe me, I am strongly pushing for that not to happen.

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  3. Wow, what a horrible thing for you and your family to have to go through. You did what you had to do and I am proud of you for stepping in and keeping everyone alive. At least now that you know the extent of what you/they are dealing with, you can try to help your son and his girlfriend make good decisions about how to proceed.

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    1. Thanks for the kind words Cygnet. I am doing my best to help him through this and make him see that being with her is no longer an option. So far, he is in agreement with me about that.

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  4. Lordy, lordy, Faerie. You can't seem to catch a break.

    You did what was necessary. I hope the girl get's the help she needs to calm that rage or it could escalate. I know your son will probably want to stand by her and I know how scary that has to be for you and MM. I'm sending prayers and thoughts and lots of hugs. Don't know what else to say or do.

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    1. sunnygirl, my life is a train wreck at the moment. Not sure why or how that has happened, but it has. Right now, my son is in agreement that he can no longer be with her. He has agreed to press charges against her with the hope that she will get the help she needs. This could take months to move through the legal system though so I do know he could change his mind. I'm praying that doesn't happen.

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  5. You did the right thing. There was nothing else you could have done. How is your son doing? Prayers for all of you.

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    1. My son is doing okay, some stitches and some residual pain, but okay. I'm just thankful she didn't hit any vital organs or arteries.

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  6. OH fairie, i was so sorry to read this.....I was feeling sorry for myself today, and realize now that there are others who are having a rougher time than I. You did what you had to do.....hang in there
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, you've been through a lot yourself lately, feeling sorry for yourself seems normal to me. I just can't believe this happened. I would love to run away and not deal with any of it. Of course, that's not a valid option.

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  7. Oh faerie, how awful, my thoughts are with you as you all deal with the repurcussions of this.

    warm hugs

    x

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    1. Thanks for the support tori. I know we will continue to deal with the repercussions of this for awhile. It could take many months for the case to go through the legal process. I'm not looking forward to that, at all.

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  8. Oh my gosh. I feel so sorry that this happened to you all. You, your son, your family and this poor broken girl you tried so hard to mend.

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    1. I've know she had these rage issues for quite some time, however, I never imagined that it cold or would get this bad. I'm so pissed at her, yet I also feel very bad for her. I am praying that she will finally get the help she needs, obviously she needs more help than we can give her.

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  9. Hugs faerie!! My gosh, I don't even know what to say. Rant away, it always makes things a little but more tolerable.

    It is NOT an excuse so please don't think I'm saying it's okay... But it's possible she's got some post-partum crazies going on that's driven her to lash out in a way she wouldn't have done otherwise.

    Prayers for your family and hers as well.

    PS - ordinary peroxide is the best blood stain remover, hands down. It's tough once it's dry though but may be of help to you. I had a horrific clean up job after my grandaddy passed away :-(

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    1. I have been watching for the postpartum crazies, only in my daughter. She is the one that just had a baby a month ago. This girl does not have any children, thank goodness since she has these rage issues.

      I did use peroxide on the carpet, worked like a charm to get the blood out.

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  10. oh gosh, how awful. ((((hugs)))) and love to you all.
    that the myth that men cannot and aren't victims of domestic abuse persists, is one of my soap boxes.
    (By the way, for fabrics, soaking in cold (must be cold) salted water removes blood like magic.)

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    1. I am aware that men can be victims of domestic abuse, I just never, ever thought it would happen to my son. I knew about her violent temper, yet I still didn't see this coming.

      Thanks for the tip about the cold salted water. I do still have clothes to try and get the blood out of. I am gonna try it and hope I can salvage them.

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  11. Oh my hell!!! I hope your son escaped with only a few stitches. And I hope she gets the help she obviously needs.

    Hugs and prayers for all of you.

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    1. My son is doing okay, he did get stitches and has some pain, but other than that he is okay physically. My son is pressing charges in the hopes that it will force her to get some help.

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  12. I am a regular lurker and felt I had to add my two cents. Your son was lucky. This needs to be the end of that relationship even if she gets the help she needs .Anyone who could knowingly stab someone they care deeply about is unstable and to put it bluntly, should not be your problem. The female from a pair of high school sweethearts was just sentenced to fifteen years for stabbing her boyfriend during an argument- She too stabbed him. She first said she was abused which was disputed credibly and then said he fell on the knife. Either way in the end, the boyfriend lost his life and two families were forever changed. I would hate to think that could happen in anyone else's family. Just something to think about. Best of luck and I hope he recovers with no lasting damage.

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    1. Thank you for delurking and sharing your thoughts. I agree with everything you said 110% and I've said as much to my son. Right now he is in agreement that this is way past the point of acceptable and that it is the end. Now, I just pray that in time he doesn't change his mind.

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  13. Oh, Faerie, I am so sorry that this happened to your family. Sending as much positive energy, hugs, and healing that I can. Much love, Terps

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    1. Thanks Terps, needless to say, this has been a nightmare for all of us. I'm just so thankful that the wound was minor and only needed some stitches to mend.

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  14. I am only an occasional reader, but I would like to say I am so sorry you are going through this. It is good the girlfriend is in jail. This is where she belongs. And I will echo the other Anonymous when I say I hope your son ends this relationship permanently and gets an order for protection.

    I was abused as a child by my raging mother and was completely blindsided when my older son married a very angry woman. She has two kids from her previous marriage and they have a biological child together, and the way my grandkids are treated cannot be looked at anything other than abusive. That part of your story really resonated with me; how we do everything we can think of to make sure our own sad story is not repeated. Then we see it played out in front of our eyes. So painful.

    You ask if you invited this, and I can relate to that as well. Take care.

    Susan

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    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Susan. Something like this is painful for anyone, but as someone who fought so hard to survive, overcome and end the cycle of abuse, it seems to hit even harder. It must be terribly difficult for you to see what is going on with your grandkids and feel powerless to stop it. Currently, my son is saying he is done with this young woman and that he is pressing charges against her. Unfortunately it will take time for it to move through the legal system and that could give him enough time to change his mind. I have no idea what I will do if he does since there really isn't much I can do. That scares me quite a bit.

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  15. At least you had a place to come here to rant. Let's hope that he stays strong and never lets her back in his life. She obviously needs a lot of help. I wonder if she was the victim of abuse when she was younger to have such rage issues. And let's hope this is a learning experience for him and he finds a young woman he can be safe with. And how's the grandbaby.

    And good luck. You will need it.

    FD

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    1. I wish I had something more to write about than just a rant, but that isn't the case at the moment. It does help immensely to have a safe place to go to vent. I've often thought that someone must have hurt this girl in some way to cause this kind of rage in her. I hope my son stays strong too, he deserves so much more from a partner than this kind of behavior. The grandbaby is doing great and is such a pleasure to have around. Yes it has almost totally eliminated any privacy and time to play, but still such a pleasure.

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  16. Faerie,

    Warmest thoughts to you and yours.
    There is nothing you could have done.
    You didn't invite this in...its one thing to look at a troubled, hurt girl and see the pain in her...and a huge, jump to think "she's going to be violent."
    Hugs,
    Bleue

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    1. Thank you for the kind words Bleuame. I definitely did not think she would ever do something like this. I knew she had rage issues, but I underestimated how bad things could get.

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  17. Oh man am I sorry! Awful, awful! Really there isn't much I can say to make you feel better about the ugliness of it all. I will say that mental illness and violence isn't easy to explain. What is important is she get help. Your son needs to stay away for a while. That may not happen, and I guess you just hope.

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