I rarely ever do this, write a post instead of responding to my comments. It's just been such a long week and so much is going on. Sorry, but I hope you will bear with me this one time.
First, I'd like to thank all of you for the birthday wishes. It was one of the worst birthdays in recent memory, but ya'll did make me feel so much better. Thank you.
I've read and re-read all the comments and most all of you have said I need to stop picking up the pieces. I need to let my kids figure out things for themselves. I couldn't agree more. If it was just a matter of stepping back and watching my adult children struggle to figure things out on their own, I would. It wouldn't be easy, but few things in life worth having are easy.
There is one very important reason why I feel I can't step back and let them learn for themselves. My 6 week old granddaughter. While I can't go into specifics, things with my daughter are not going well and my granddaughter is the one suffering because of it. That is something I can not and will not tolerate.
My daughter crossed a line, a line I had specifically told her would have serious consequences if she crossed it. Apparently she either didn't take me seriously, or didn't care, either way, she crossed it. Though it broke my heart to do, I laid down the law and enforced the consequences. Or at least, I tried to.
Musicman, much to my dismay, negated the consequences. That caused a huge rift between us. A rift big enough that I was fully prepared to leave him. I didn't want to do that. I love him more than life itself, but there are certain things I will NEVER compromise on. And, may I just say, he has always known what those things are.
I really am not a drama queen. I do not make idle threats. I took my marital vows seriously and leaving has never been an option for me. Having stated all that, I was extremely serious about leaving. That is how serious I feel this situation is. If he is not going to back me in what needs to be done, then I'm gone.
One of the things I have known, for quite a long time, is that while Musicman and I always seem to have the same end goal, we never take the same path to get there. Most of the time, that's a good thing. He takes his path, sees and considers the things I miss and vice versa. Usually, we are able to meet in the middle, consider both paths and make the best decision for our kids.
That is what we have been working on this week. It has been beyond difficult. I know I have been overly emotional and he has done what he typically does when stressed. He closes down and shuts me out. Communication breaks down and we get nowhere fast.
We both have worked very hard to get those reactions under control and effectively communicate with each other. I've had to push him, but he has been doing his best to communicate his views to me. I've had to suppress and control some very volatile emotions, but it has been worth it to get to the end goal.
Do we have a good answer as to what to do? Do we know exactly what needs to be done to remedy the situation with our daughter and granddaughter? Not really, but we are communicating. We have had many, many conversations about this. We do each understand the others point of view and approach to the situation. We are working together, we have a tentative game plan.
Wish us luck, we are going to need it. Our daughter is about to get handed a major dose of tough love. She will have choices to make and if she makes the wrong choice, we could lose all contact with her and our beautiful little granddaughter. That will break our hearts more than we can fathom, but we see no other acceptable choice.