A Sub By Any Other Name...
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for –
have a label? Do you view
your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom,
dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or
combination? If you do not
use a label, why?
I've never been one to embrace labels, but I do find them necessary for the purposes of education. It's a lot easier to find something, if you know what you are looking for. I've always been a big believer in education, both formal and informal. I never want to stop learning and growing. I never want to get to a point in my life where I can't appreciate the wonders of a new experience.
Labels are useful in communication, but can easily be used against you. Leave you open to judgement and ridicule, place limits on you. Labels can define you and the perception of that definition can change in any given situation. A label I embrace as a positive thing, someone else may judge as detrimental.
I wasn't specifically looking for submission, I was looking for a part of myself that I had lost. A feeling, an emotion, an energy, a way of being, that I wanted back. I pursued many avenues of information, but most specifically, I pursued my sexual connection with Musicman. He had been my salvation before and I felt he was now too. I've always been a very sexual woman and know that great sex can create powerful energy.
In exploring the sexual aspect of D/s, I found my emotional and mental submission. I found what I had been looking for. It had been there all the time, just simmering in the background. It also had a different label on it. Which is probably why I didn't recognize it for what it is, it's really both.
The label I know my submission by is that of empath. That's a label I've worn for a long time, a label I've become comfortable with. I know how to define it in a way that works for me. It's also why I was initially confused by the label submissive, to me all the traits and demeanor of a submissive are those of an empath.
I'm sure that doesn't apply to all empaths or submissives, I'm not talking about anyone other then myself. The same qualities about me, that I now identify as submissive, are qualities I previously accepted and acknowledged as being an empath.
This is a definition of submissive: allowing others to have control over you; 2. willing to submit to the wishes of others.
Here are some of the recognizable empathic traits, many of which I have:
1) Heightened (stronger) emotions.
2) Comprehensive understanding over a broad scope of (if not ALL) emotions.
3) Capacity for want/need of self-sacrifice - giving, basically.
4) Excellent communicatory abilities.
5) "Dreaming."
6) Pre-cognition.
7) Emotion reception
So, in effect, being submissive isn't anything new for me, being aware that I am submissive is though. I just defined it a bit differently and gave it a different label. I still don't really think of myself as a sub very often, but I've yet to find the Dom/empath category.
Posts
well, i think you should use the label you find most comfortable. After all, no one says you HAVE to use an existing one, or in fact, have any at all. but if you identify with empath, then you should use it.
ReplyDeleteI agree, though sometimes find it confusing too.
DeleteI agree with Fondles you only job is to be what you'll be no matter what you call it. If you are happy that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't be any other way, that would make me unhappy. But it does sometimes confuse when I am looking for info, oh well, sometimes understanding comes slowly :)
DeleteI liked this post.
ReplyDeleteI think labels are useful to give a clearer understanding, as you said labels inform and im all for learning more and labels help in identifying what we want to learn and find out.
If someone said to me "do you like jam?" i could say yes but then i only like strawberry jam, sometimes labels need to be more defined.
Its like ttwd is a commonly used abbreviation but yet it covers such a variety of differing dynamics, so i could say "im in a sub in a ttwd relationship" (which could be DD, D/s, M/s or something completley else)which doesnt really tell anybody much, but if i change this to "im in a tpe M/s dynamic" (which is how i would define myself) it gives a more clearer understanding of the relationship im in.
Labels can indeed be infuriating but i think they are also very helpful in gaining a better understanding.
xx
I'm working on achieving some clarity and understanding, it is slow going somedays though :)
DeleteThank you for sharing. I am not much for labels either. Each couple is unique and should follow their hearts.
ReplyDeleteHug,
joey
Thanks joey, I embrace my uniqueness, but sometimes it can be a burden too :) Being percieved as different is something I'm used to, but it isn't always easy.
DeleteLabels are tricky things. Put a label on your relationship and you may find yourself trying to adapt to that label. We started of with the label DD, but then I found out that I didn't like to tell Lisa what to do on a constant basis. I just wanted her to do something without discussion, in the rather few cases that I wanted her to do something. So we switched to another label and called it M/s. Since then we are trying to behave in accordance to the new label. We don't really succeed, so we just keep calling it TTWD.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I'm trying to label as much as I am trying to understand. In fact, for us, ttwd fits perfectly. "It's just what we do," is something Musicman has said to me for our entire relationship. Long before I ever heard of, or thought about TTWD.
DeleteI simply think of myself as a submissive wife. With emphasis on the word "wife".
ReplyDeleteI choose to follow his leadership, not because he owns me, not because he's my master, not for a sexual thrill, and not because I cannot make it on my own. I choose to follow him to honor him as his wife and his gift from God.
I choose submission because its the best way to experience fully the beauty of our roles. And to experience fully his amazing leadership and protection of me and of our family.
I've never thought of myself as anything other then a wife, and I didn't specifically choose to be submissive. It's just who I am within my relationship. I agreed to things way back at the beginning that were important to him and to me, the fact that agreeing to those things makes me submissive is happenstance.
DeleteWow, faerie! I love this post, too. I, too have always identified strongly as an empath, but I never really thought about it in terms of my submission. But it makes sense.
ReplyDeleteIt would be interesting to see how many others can identify as empaths, to whatever degree.
Making sense of that relationship between being an empath and being submissive was a real lightbulb moment for me. I knew I was an empath, have for a long time. I didn't realize that I was submissive, and that confused me. Once I started looking at it more closely though, the fog cleared :)
DeleteI have strong empath tendencies, enough so that people notice there is something odd about me. I think most subs probably have it to some degree, maybe not as strong as mine, but to some degree :)
I think your faerie, and that is enough for me.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'm working on understanding what being faerie means to me :)
DeleteI think labels are only a beginning. They mean something different to everyone. I do not like to be labeled either. Unless I do the labeling. We are all so much more.
ReplyDeleteI found the information on empaths fascinating. I have all the characteristics listed.
I agree that labels are only a beginning and if I'm going to embrace one, it will be one of my own choosing. Empath was one that when I first dicovered it, I tried to deny. I was young, it made me different, but denying the label changed nothing for me. I was till me, with all the quirks that seemed to make me different. So I learned as much as I could about it and learned to make it a positive thing for me. I think everyone has empathic abilities to some degree, mine just happen to be stronger then some.
DeleteI find labels useful in exploring and learning more about different dynamics within ttwd. But labels are only useful to a point I think. Everyone is different, each couple is different, and therefore every dynamic is different. However, there tend to be similarities and using labels to gather with others who identify themselves in the same way can be helpful, for support and understanding and to learn from one another. As for what label Michael and I fall under, that's hard to say as we incorporate many aspects of different labels into our relationship. But, what remains the same is that he leads and I follow. ;)
ReplyDeleteHe leads and I follow, that has always been the way it is for us, the only label we put on it was marriage. That sometimes causes me confusion when I read, but it is nice to find people in similar situations. The support is wonderful and reading teaches me alot about myself and helps me understand :)
DeleteI honestly don't know how to comment...I guess I haven't thought of labels that would help define me or that part of me and if I have I have never been quite sure where I fit in. Many of the characteristics of empath speak to me at a deep level. I have always been sensitive. Part of me certainly is submissive, though I am not in a submissive relationship. TTWD serves as it covers such a beautiful range ideas suiting many relationships. I am a spanko and was long before I knew the word. I am a mother, a daughter, a friend, a sister, a lover, a wife, a teacher, a dancer, a creative spirit...all these are labels I suppose. Perhaps the reason I do not label my submission is that I do not yet understand what it means to me or how it fits into my real life, other than my fantasy. So that is my answer...still wondering...still questioning...still trying to understand...and in the meantime just trying to be me, whoever that is. :-)
ReplyDelete