Want Becomes Need

I had gotten to a place where my needs felt more like wants. I was comfortable with that. Needing things I can't provide for myself scares me. I had become comfortable with my kink being just that, a kink. Something I wanted, but didn't necessarily need. Yeah, I can live with that.

Now, let's introduce stress into my life. I'm accustomed to stress, but this was above and beyond. I was thrust into a situation I'd hoped to never find myself in again. A work situation, with a large group of women. Stress to the Nth degree.

I did well for quite a few days, managed the stress pretty well all on my own. It in no way effected my personal wants. I never considered employing my kink for stress relief. It didn't seem necessary, it remained exactly where I had put it. A want, that was in no way related to my life outside the bedroom.

Now, let's elevate the stress by introducing a vindictive bitch into the mix. One who doesn't particularly care much for me. Apparently, I offend her sensibilities in many ways. I have tattoo's, I call people honey and dear. I have bad habits that she doesn't approve of, even though they don't effect my work at all. She informed me of all this while all the time shoving her religion down my throat. I despise people like that.

I took the high road, ignoring and excusing her behavior as not worth my time. I learned a long time ago that people like this are not worth me wasting my breath on. During all this Musicman was supportive and helpful, saying all the right things. Shoring me up and keeping me going, moving me closer to my goal. It never occurred to me to ask for more. I had everything I needed and everything I wanted.

Then I made a critical mistake. I left my back unprotected. The vindictive bitch struck fast and hard, she blindsided me.  The pain from the knife buried in my back was too much for me. There were no words that could fix the situation, there wasn't enough support in the world Musicman could offer. A want quickly degenerated into a need.

I needed something more. I needed an outlet for the emotional pain I was experiencing. I needed an escape from the nightmare I suddenly found myself in. I needed a way to purge the stress. I needed a way to relax and some ability to sleep through the night again.

The kink was no longer a want. Through no fault of my own, my kink had become more than a want, it became a need. I'm more comfortable with it being a want, but sometimes it is a very real need. Musicman recognized this and gave me everything I needed and then some.

The stress vanquished, I finally slept well again. The vindictive bitch is still in the picture, but my back is no longer unprotected. She will not blindside me again, god help her if she tries. Many think of it as just a kink. Sometimes it's a want, sometimes it's a need. It's become my secret weapon, defending me from the evil in the world.