Friday, October 26, 2012

Want Becomes Need

I had gotten to a place where my needs felt more like wants. I was comfortable with that. Needing things I can't provide for myself scares me. I had become comfortable with my kink being just that, a kink. Something I wanted, but didn't necessarily need. Yeah, I can live with that.

Now, let's introduce stress into my life. I'm accustomed to stress, but this was above and beyond. I was thrust into a situation I'd hoped to never find myself in again. A work situation, with a large group of women. Stress to the Nth degree.

I did well for quite a few days, managed the stress pretty well all on my own. It in no way effected my personal wants. I never considered employing my kink for stress relief. It didn't seem necessary, it remained exactly where I had put it. A want, that was in no way related to my life outside the bedroom.

Now, let's elevate the stress by introducing a vindictive bitch into the mix. One who doesn't particularly care much for me. Apparently, I offend her sensibilities in many ways. I have tattoo's, I call people honey and dear. I have bad habits that she doesn't approve of, even though they don't effect my work at all. She informed me of all this while all the time shoving her religion down my throat. I despise people like that.

I took the high road, ignoring and excusing her behavior as not worth my time. I learned a long time ago that people like this are not worth me wasting my breath on. During all this Musicman was supportive and helpful, saying all the right things. Shoring me up and keeping me going, moving me closer to my goal. It never occurred to me to ask for more. I had everything I needed and everything I wanted.

Then I made a critical mistake. I left my back unprotected. The vindictive bitch struck fast and hard, she blindsided me.  The pain from the knife buried in my back was too much for me. There were no words that could fix the situation, there wasn't enough support in the world Musicman could offer. A want quickly degenerated into a need.

I needed something more. I needed an outlet for the emotional pain I was experiencing. I needed an escape from the nightmare I suddenly found myself in. I needed a way to purge the stress. I needed a way to relax and some ability to sleep through the night again.

The kink was no longer a want. Through no fault of my own, my kink had become more than a want, it became a need. I'm more comfortable with it being a want, but sometimes it is a very real need. Musicman recognized this and gave me everything I needed and then some.

The stress vanquished, I finally slept well again. The vindictive bitch is still in the picture, but my back is no longer unprotected. She will not blindside me again, god help her if she tries. Many think of it as just a kink. Sometimes it's a want, sometimes it's a need. It's become my secret weapon, defending me from the evil in the world.

28 comments:

  1. Glad MM was able to help you. A kink to you is not a kink to someone else and vice versa. It is whatever works.

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    1. I agree, I'm just happier if it is more of a want then a need. But, it's nice to know that when I need it, it's there :)

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  2. There are a lot of things in my lives that are wants that occasionally turn into needs. Nothing wrong with that. I'm really sorry about the bitch at work. Every place seems to have one - I wonder how they advertise?

    You know what to expect there, and you have MM at home. No doubt you'll survive just fine. But just for the fun of it, picture all your blogging buddies taking her out and introducing HER to TTWD. I've often wanted to practice a little myself.

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. Heeheeeheeee, I'll remember that picture when I have to deal with her in the future.

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    1. Thanks Conina, maybe not the traditional way to deal with prejudicial bitchy women, but it works for me :)

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  4. Good to hear the stress was vanquished and you are sleeping well again.

    FD

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    1. Sleep, the nectar of the Gods, lol. At least for people like me that often find it a challenge :)

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  5. So glad MM was about to help you Faerie:) And wow....what a person to work with. I am so sorry you are dealing with that. Why in the world would she not want you to call someone honey or dear? I think that is sweet:) And your tattoos are "your" tattoos so why does she care! Ugghhh! Crazy crazy woman is what she sounds like! (((((((Faerie))))))) hugs to you from me :)

    Belle:)

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    1. She is crazy, and prejudicial and holier then thou and makes me want to lose my lunch. Unfortunately, I have to deal with her. At least now she has shown her hand so I know what I'm up against. From now on, I will be prepared ;)

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  6. It's such a gift to have your back covered and to have a secret weapon to deploy!

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    1. It really is a gift, one I'm extremely grateful for :)

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  7. What a judgemental bit!! I hate people that try to divide rather than understand and b- friend
    I am glad that MM always has your back.
    It doesn't matter how things are labeled if they work for us that is all that matters.

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    1. Ever feel like you want to kill someone? YES, YES, YES. Haahaahaaa. People like her take so much of my energy and it feels like such a waste of that energy. I will employ my secret weapon when needed and she won't get to me again.

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  8. I know a few of those vindictive bitches. QUITE a few of them. Ultimately they were a pretty big factor in my personal decision not to return to my job after the birth of my son. The stress and the pain caused by them was more than I wanted to deal with trying to raise my kids. Being really new to D/s, I have often wondered aloud to Husband if we had been doing this if it would have made a happier me... No way to know. I am glad that MM was able to give you your strength back, protect you. I hope this project you're working on is over soon, and vindictive bitch goes back to the wretched hole she crawled out of.

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    1. People like her were a big part of why I stopped working for a period of time too. Forewarned is forearmed, she revealed her hand and hurt me once. She won't get that opportunity again.

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  9. I completely get the want becoming a need. It describes my feelings towards the swinging / sexually charged environment.

    TTFN
    mr. No Name

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    1. I really prefer it remain a want, but sometimes it's out of my control. I'm just trying to go with flow and pray I don't drown :)

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  10. Yes, are wants more important than needs or the other way around? Both sound important to me, but yes, some things seem more vital than they used to.

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    1. Both are important. I guess the trick is figuring out when it's appropriate to give the wants more importance then the needs and vice versa. I'm still working on that :)

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  11. I think that's part of the beauty of living an "alternative" lifestyle; we can let our wants and needs be fluid and adjust depending on our situations. I'm terribly glad you and MusicMan found a way to overcome the stress thrown on you by this vindictive woman. I hope it comes back to her before she becomes much more of a burden for you. ((hugs))

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. I'm a big believer in Karma, sooner or later it will get her. In the mean time, since she has shown her true colors, I'm prepared for her.

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  12. Glad he was able to help you. Hope it gets better soon.

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    1. Thanks Zoe, things should be better now that I know where I stand with her.

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  13. I am sorry to hear of the negativity at work but I am glad you have the support at home to deal with it. Wants and needs are complicated. Before I shared my want it was simply fantasy, once fantasy became reality I wanted more and sometimes it is such a strong part of my life that often it is a true need and when that need is ignored I feel lost so sometimes I wish it was a want and not a need but glad it is not just a fantasy - hugs, Terps

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    1. Great point Terpsichore, what was once a fantasy is now sometimes a want and sometimes a need :)I'm just happy that want or need, it's not just a fanatsy anymore.

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  14. The world tends to deliver exactly what I need. I am reading this days after you wrote it-on the day I need to read it. Thanks, faerie

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    1. I'm glad you found it helpful. I tend to think the same way about the universe providing what we need when we need it :)

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