Sunday, November 6, 2011

Submissive or selfish?

Once I got over the shock of realizing I was submissive to my husband I of course had to know how this had happened. So I started looking at all the details of our life together.
I just have to say, it doesn't seem submissive to me, it seems selfish. This is why:
I lived alone for 5 years before I met my husband, took care of all my own finances. Once we married I continued to do it even though I really didn't want to. Hated it in fact. When we decided to have our first child I told him I no longer wanted to do the finances. He took over and does a much better job then I ever did.  I'm not a money oriented person, its a necessary evil I would rather not deal with. My husband is a very generous man. If he says no to something he has a good reason for it. Seems selfish to me that I get basically everything I want and never have to worry about the money end of things.

As for driving, I hate driving, I would be so happy if I never had to drive anywhere again. My husband prefers to drive. We made a deal almost immediately, he is my designated driver for life. I like knowing as I'm flitting about some party or social event that he is watching out for me, protecting me, thinking about the time and our other responsibilities. I don't worry or think about any of it. All I have to do is get in the car when he tells me. And "you about ready" can mean anything ranging from these people are idiots and I've hit my limit(usually a work function) all the way to I wanna jump your bones. Thats my favorite one.  And I have been known to tell friends that's why I'm leaving the party, got a better offer. He even keeps track of my shoes for me, cause inevitably they come off some time during the event( I despise shoes and only wear them when required by law). Seems selfish to me.

Forget me even trying to buy a car, the only things I would consider are the color and does the stereo work. He however considers everything, picks out the car that is best for my needs at the time and buys it. I show up just in time to sign the paperwork and drive it home. Seems selfish to me.
Housework, cooking and laundry is something I learned to do at a very young age. It takes time but almost no effort on my part. It's just automatic for me. So, I do something that I would be doing anyway and bonus, it makes him happy.  I never mentioned all the stuff he does for me. I haven't put gas in my own car since the day I met him I think. He does everything, I just drive it. I'm so spoiled he even gets it out of the garage for me because I don't like messing with it.  Meanwhile his car is out on the street, covered in snow. Seems selfish to me.

He's a picky eater, I'm a non eater. It is something he noticed almost immediately and set out to fix. He fed me constantly.  He likes simple foods, meat and potatoes and he's happy. Knowing I need to cook something simple for him everyday helps me keep my issues with food under control.  Yep, seems selfish to me.

As for saying no to sex, well thats a no brainer, multiple orgasms, need I say more?
Very, very selfish of me.


  1. I'll have what she's having! It's clear to see you have a wonderful man who loves you very much. It's not selfish if it works for both of you and you're both happy.

    I have a strong submissive side,I know it's there. Unfortunately Nick's not really interested and it goes untapped and has to come out in my writing. You're lucky that you have an outlet for that too.


  2. As usual, PK is right on. You are not selfish. You are a good submissive serving your man and making him happy, which makes both of you happy.


  3. PK
    Yes I am very lucky to have found an outlet in my writing, I owe a lot of that to you. I understand Nick's uninterest, I deal with that to, I think I may have just made it too easy for him. One step at a time for both of us I guess.

    Thanks for stopping by, I always like to hear a man's opinion, usually vey different from my own. I like that.

  4. I like seeing how you explain the progress into your submissive side. I am struggling with mine. I have a want to be, but I often let anger get the better of me. I hope to be able to dig down and pull it out gradually for my husband. I'm hoping it will make for a beautiful relationship.

  5. This was a neat post Faerie. I don't think you're selfish are naturally doing all those things you love and he does the same. You naturally get the submissive role and he takes the HoH role. Not selfish, but lucky. Most couples have a harder time figuring and finding their roles...and I'm sure you have your hard moments too. LOL, I love that he keeps track of your shoes!

  6. What a lovely post faerie :) sometimes it's the little things matter the most. It sounds as if you both appreciate the things you do for each other. I loved the shoe part :) How sweet :))

    Dee x

  7. Emi, These compromises often came about because of the anger and misunderstandings when we were first together. I never thought about it as being submissive.

    Susie, Glad you liked the post, and you're right about me being lucky. As far I'm concerned I hit the jackpot when he found me.

    Dee, I've come to realize it really is all the little things that add up to a wonderful life. He watches my shoes cause its easier then hunting for them at the end of the night, or going back the next day to get them. We've done that before.

  8. it is one of the truly puzzling or perhaps ironic parts of D/s or maybe life in general that we are usually are happiest and most giving to others when we are being selfish. Perhaps by luck or maybe by design you have stumbled upon a truth many spend years to discover.

  9. It seems like you are both happy and appreciative of each other. :-) Terps
    PS - I don't like to drive either - my husband likes to drive so when we are going somewhere together he drives...he is in charge of picking out the cars - honestly I don't care as long as it is safe and gets me and my children where we need to go...and if I could be bare foot all the time...and I am the one that does the shopping and laundry and most of the cooking though he helps with the bigger chores. So maybe I am a little submissive...maybe...but I pay the bills (but only because he told me I had to) I would rather not but when we first got married he said I needed to because otherwise they wouldn't get paid :-)