Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I didn't want to want what I wanted

I didn't want to want what I wanted. It had been so long, about a month, so it was easy to convince myself I didn't want it. Recent tension causing issues between us made it easy for me to believe I didn't want it. Just because we suddenly had some unexpected privacy didn't mean we had to take advantage of it.

Except, I did want it. It's really of no consequence how long it has been. The recent issues had been addressed and the tension was subsiding. Besides, I never say no, cause there is no good reason, short of major illness to say no. It's how we communicate best and we badly needed the chance to reconnect. If we hadn't taken advantage of the unexpected privacy I would have been disappointed.

All these things ran through my mind in an instant when I realized we were actually alone in our home and would be for some time. That's also when the butterflies started stirring in my belly, quickly advancing from a slight flutter to a full on swarm in a matter of minutes. None of which I revealed to him, not that any of it would have made a difference.

He was a man on a mission. He would have preferred to see me kneeling, bent over the end of the couch, but he took into consideration my very sore knees and instead let me lay on the bed. The magic paddle was soon being swung with some considerable force. The man just does not get the concept of a warm up.

The fleece lounge pants I was wearing provided very little cushion from the swats. I felt the sting so acutely that I really did wonder why I wanted this. I struggled through the first few thinking maybe this won't work, maybe I don't want this. Then I remembered, all I have to do is relax and breath, so I did just that.

My butt was soon quite warm, at least on one side. For some reason he was very focused on the left side. I had a brief thought to ask him to even me up some, but I didn't. I remembered that how he decides to spank is not for me to say.

All too soon it seemed he was removing my lounge pants, only to discover that I actually had underwear on. Those were quickly ripped away and the paddle was back in hand and being vigorously applied. There was no longer any doubt as to why I wanted this and most definitely no question as to whether it would work or not. I was happily floating among the mists of pain turned to pleasure and was one very contented sub.

As I was floating in the haze I realized the sensation had changed. Hmmm...that's really stingy. I didn't know what he was using, but I did like it. I couldn't identify the sound of the implement he was using either. We don't have a lot of implements and usually I can tell from the sound if not the feel, but this one seemed quieter than any I remembered. Oh...a quiet implement, yay, must remember that for later use.

I could have raised my head and looked into the mirrored headboard to see what he was using, but, at that moment, I didn't care enough to do that. I didn't care enough to raise my head and look when he changed implements once again either. At that moment in time, which seemed to be standing still, all I cared about was that I was finally where I most wanted to be. Submitting to him and what he chose to give me.

Much later, after the spanking was done and we had moved on to even more satisfying activities, I found out what the mystery implement was. A plastic coat hanger, followed by the wooden spoon. That coat hanger was rather stingy, but, I did in fact, like it very much. That makes me think maybe my I'm getting over my total fear of a cane. That makes me think maybe I should do some naughty Christmas shopping.

There have been some very recent developments that may actually allow us some much needed privacy on a more regular and frequent basis. That makes us both very happy and I might even have some fun things to write about more often.





18 comments:

  1. if you are not sure on the ecpense of a cane, wooden dowels from the hardware store are not only great implements, vary in diameter width, but cost effective to try 'caning'.

    So glad you got what you needed.

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    1. Thanks for the tip about the dowel rods, I may start there as I'm not entirely sure I'm over my fear of canes.

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  2. What a relief to read this post....i am so happy for the 2 of you. Hope the more privacy time works out.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks abby, the private time, while unexpected, was exactly what we needed. Recent events seem to suggest that we might actually be able to have some private time at least on a weekly basis. That's not as much as I would like, but it's way better than once a month.

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  3. Don't do it, don't do it! Canes Suck! They hurt like hell and not in a good way. They hurt so much it takes me out of my head space and just HURT. That being said - the stripes are nice afterwards. LOL!

    I'm glad you got the time and I do hope it works out that you'll get more.

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    1. LOL PK, you are one of the people that has always made me very leery of canes. I definitely don't want the kind of pain that takes me out of my head space. Most likely we will use the coat hanger a few more times, at least and then possibly take HS's suggestion of trying a dowel rod. If I start there and don't like it, I'm not out much money and I know a cool crochet stitch that is done with a dowel rod, so no waste.

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  4. We have a Tuesday night date - which essentially we are home alone every Tuesday night. I always look forward to this time. Except, right now, I am a little nervous. I know that this is special time for us but I never know what kind of spanking I will be getting. And like you said, it is not up to me. Recently, my left cheek has been the very punished cheek. I feel like asking him what that poor cheek ever did. Lol

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    1. What is it with these guys and left cheeks? LOL. When I know for sure that we are going to have some private time I always get a bit nervous too. Then I remember all I have to do is breath and I'm good. If we do manage more private time it will not be on a scheduled night but will vary from week to week, so that might cut down on some of the nervous anticipation. I hope so anyway.

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  5. It's great to read you're getting what you didn't want... but wanted....
    As for canes, I'm trying to pluck up the courage to get one, but PK is convincing me not to and, there again, I expect others will tell me the opposite. How about you go first :)

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    1. PK is a pretty smart lady and I believe her when she says don't do it. But...there's always a but isn't there? There are other blogs I read that make me think maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If I had known he was planning on using that coat hanger, I might have panicked a little bit. Since I didn't know though I was quite surprised that I did like it. I can't promise I will go first, but if we do eventually try it I'll let ya know.

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  6. It was so nice you again have privacy to enjoy the lifestyle and that he is taking advantage of it to give you what you need and want and crave. Enjoy.

    FD

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    1. I really do believe that things may be looking up in the more privacy department. I'm trying not to anticipate it too much, but it's hard, cause I miss playtime so much.

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  7. Nice to hear things are better. Hope that continues and then you get some more privacy in the future.

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    1. While the recent changes may not lead to that much more private time(hope I'm wrong about that), but it is a step in the right direction. Progress is slow, but I'll take what I can get.

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  8. Yes, I think you should do some holiday shopping!!

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    1. One happy sub and a charge card. Look out world, here I come, lol.

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  9. I hear you on the no warm-up and uneven spanking...I try to bite my tongue though sometimes I do speak up - it doesn't seem to make him do anything differently one way or another :-) So glad you had time to connect and hope that you find more time to communicate in your dance for two. And happy shopping :-) Hugs

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    1. He never really has done much of a warm up. That was not a problem when I was getting spanked on a regular basis, but now, at only once a month I do believe I would appreciate it. I did almost speak up, but I didn't want him to think I was criticizing, or as they say, "topping from the bottom". That just seems not quite right for me.

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