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Balance: a situation in which different aspects or features are treated equally or exist in the correct relationship to each other.
Balance: a force, influence, or idea that is completely different from
another but combines well with it.
Usually we are pretty good at being in balance, existing in the correct relationship to each other. We are forces that are completely different but combine well, usually.
That is not to say that things are, or have ever been 50-50. Sometimes things are 60-40, or 75-25, and there have been times when things were 99-1. The percentage of give and take does not have to be equal to be balanced. As long as both of us are getting what we need without taking more than the other has to offer, then we feel balance. When we are able to provide what the other needs, we are in balance.
I don't feel balanced right now. He needs more then I have to offer. He needs my strength right now. I'm trying to provide him with that. But, my strength comes from him, so how do I offer him the strength he needs without totally sapping either him or myself?
Previously this would not have been a problem for me. I am strong, I have heard that my whole life, and I believed it. I have had to be strong to carry the armor required to protect myself. When he promised to protect me a small chink appeared in that armor. A chink so minute it was practically invisible, but he saw it and established a foothold. Once he was inside he slowly started working to chip away the armor, small piece by small piece. And he was right there helping me keep my balance as each of those pieces fell away.
He achieved his goal, total exposure, the armor is gone, I don't need it any more because I have him. I'm totally vulnerable, and I like it that way, until I am faced with having to be the strong one once again. Then I need to put that armor back on long enough to bring us both through the fight unscathed.
I tried to put the armor back on, but I found it a lot heavier than it used to be. It paralyzes movement, it impedes function, instead of making me strong it weighs me down. It unbalances me, so I put it aside and in it's place is a facade. A facade of strength that I'm trying desperately not to drop, because he needs my strength right now and he deserves no less. I need to find my balance so I can offer it to him.
