The results of my purchase

We tried the cane. I wish I could say I liked it, especially since I have 25 of them. But, I can't, cause that would be a lie.

It would be a lie, because I didn't just like it, I LOVED it.

I had been having one of those days. The kind of day where every little thing was getting on my last nerve. I had tried, as I always do, to fight it, but I was spiraling, quickly, to that dark place. The place that I don't ever want to go, because it overwhelms me and spurs me to run. He knew as soon as he walked through the door that I was in a bad place. He always knows, cause I get very quiet and distracted, like I'm somewhere else. I am, I'm plotting my escape.

We found ourselves home alone and clearly he wanted to play. When I'm in that dark place, I always want to resist. I want to be left alone, to wallow in my misery. Rationally, I know that won't help anything, but I'm rarely ever rational when I have spiraled that far down. The best I could do was not fight him and try to relax and go with it in the hope it would help.

I had been lying on the bed, ignoring him and everything else for the most part. Lost in my own misery and not inclined to let him pull me out of it. I had donned a new dress. The first new one of the season, in an attempt to cheer myself up some. It's very colorful, white with vividly colored flowers on it. The top of it is corset style, with a short flared skirt. He's always insisted on easy access, so no undies, of course.

He joined me on the bed, pulled the top of my dress down and began playing. Eh, okay, I can go with this, but wasn't really feeling it. Mind you, the thought of saying no, asking him to stop, or in any way rebuffing, or hindering his advances, never crossed my mind. I just don't ever do that. Then he picked up the cane he had previously picked out and had waiting close by.

I remember feeling it, smooth and cool, as he ran it over my chest. Then the sting as he flicked it lightly on my tit. I remember a sharp inhalation of breath and the following sigh, which happened with every flick of his wrist. The slowly spreading warmth didn't consciously register until much later.

He ran it up over my face. Again, I remember feeling how smooth and cool it felt as it slid across my cheek, slowly, towards my mouth. I turned my face into it, as he ran it over my lips, the urge to reach out with my tongue and lick it's length, as it slipped through the crease, was almost my undoing.

I say almost, because, a moment of sanity occurred and I had the thought, "wet cane = bad idea". I resisted the urge, though by then I realized, he had me. He had pulled me back from the brink and we were just getting started.

I felt myself slipping, sliding in to his control, going to that wonderful place, where everything is beautiful. Okay, couldn't resist that last one at the end. Heeheeheee.

I have more to say, but that's enough for now. It's been a long day, I'm tired and it's time to recharge with my Musicman.

Will You Celebrate?

I've read around the web that May is International Masturbation Month. According to Wikipedia it started in 1995 as a way to protect every one's right to masturbate. The article stated that 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate, though there is still a social stigma about masturbation being a negative thing.

I'm aware from reading here in blogland that some subs are not allowed to masturbate unless they are granted permission from their Dom. I suppose for those of you who have that rule you will have to ask permission if you intend to celebrate this activity this month.

I have no such restrictions and really have no need for it as I don't enjoy masturbating. It's not that I can't achieve orgasm by my own hand, I can. I know, cause I did try for awhile to learn to like it. I did that because watching me masturbate is something Musicman enjoys. I even went as far as making him a short video of me doing it and sent it to him.

I never have developed a fondness for it and unless he forces me, I won't do it, even if he asks. I did however wonder why I find it so distasteful. At first I thought maybe it was that old, "good girls don't" thing that held me back. Nope, that's not it.

I discovered, while I was trying to learn to enjoy it, that even though I can achieve orgasm, I find it more frustrating than it's worth. The thing I find so frustrating is that it is just a physical release and that's not what I am looking for from sex.

Before I met Musicman I had been intimate with more than my fair share of men. Some were good, some weren't, none were great, it was just a physical thing. The difference between them and Musicman, I have a soul connection with him that I didn't have with anyone else.

Sex is not just a physical thing with him, it is a connection of energy. An intertwining of soul's. I really wish I had the words to explain that it is so much more than a physical release. Yes, it happens because of the physical things we engage in, but it isn't just a physical reaction, it is so much more.

It is two soul's, recognizing each other, sharing and intermingling, dancing together and splitting apart, only to come back together as one. It is the most fulfilling and satisfying thing I have experienced and it's not something I can replicate on my own. That's probably a good thing for him, cause if I could, I wouldn't need him.

Maybe some of you will ask permission to celebrate this month. Maybe I will try to remember that watching me is something he enjoys and find the courage to give it a try. Or maybe not, cause I still don't find any satisfaction, other than the physical, in masturbating and that's not what I'm looking for.

It just occurred to me that there is another alternative. Maybe, he will be in the mood to celebrate and will remember that he has tools at his disposal to encourage me to do those things I don't usually care to do. He knows how, he just doesn't very often, despite the fact that I have consented to it.

Hair Is Where It's At

Hair, something we women sometimes struggle with. It's big business, cuts, color, perms, blow dryer's, curling irons, flat irons, clips, bands and so much more.

I spent many a year as a teen and young adult torturing my hair to make it look like whatever the current popular style was. It never worked, my hair has a mind of it's own. It's part curly, part straight, more salt than pepper, one step away from dreadlocks really. I started going grey at 15 and colored it for many years. I haven't colored it for quite some time now though, it's just too much work.

I don't own a hair dryer or curling iron or flat iron. I do own a large collection of clips and bands. They reside in a pretty crystal vase on my bedside table. I'm not really a crystal vase type person, but it was a gift and I thought I would put it to good use holding the myriad hair stuff I do own.

Until recently my hair was extremely long, almost to my waist. Just shampooing it and picking it out was a major job. It's too thick for a comb and a brush would be a total nightmare to try and use. I do own a hairbrush, but that resides with our other toys, it's never been used on hair.

A couple months ago I felt like making a bit of a change. I cut my hair. I did not ask permission, that never even occurred to me. I have a feeling that if I would have asked, Musicman would have looked at me like I had just grown horns out of my head or some such thing. He likes my hair long, but he doesn't seem to desire that tight of control.

I cut over a foot of hair off, it now hangs a few inches below my shoulders. All he said was, you cut a lot of hair off. Yes, yes I did, but it is still long enough to make a very decent pony tail for pulling and I still need to put it up before giving a BJ if I don't want it straying into my mouth. Ack, hairballs.

The people who reacted the most were my coworkers and clients. When they saw it, they acted as if I had committed a major crime, or something equally as heinous. I assured them all that it would grow back and quite quickly too. My shorter hair has not stopped a few of them from petting it on a regular basis. Yes, I have a few clients and even one coworker that seem to truly love my hair, they can't seem to keep their hands off it.

I don't mind my clients doing it, I have gotten used to the fact that they are all quite affectionate and hugs and kisses and touching is an everyday occurrence with them. The part that took a bit of getting used to was the coworker. It's a female and she touches it as often, if not more, than my clients do.

I wonder what she would say if she knew that hair pulling is something I absolutely love? Though, it's probably a good thing she doesn't know, cause if she pulled my hair I'd have to say something, I only like it when Musicman does it. Do any of you see your hair and the way you wear it as a symbol of your submission? Even though I don't have to ask permission to cut it, I do. When I decided to cut it, a decision that took me over a year to make, I did so knowing that I would keep it at a length he finds pleasing.

What Have I Done?

I'm not sure, but the pain pills I had been taking for my tooth may have effected my mental capacities. At least, that's my story and I'm gonna stick to it. I did something today I thought I would never do and may live to regret.

We were out doing some errands and I suggested we go to a certain store. I was looking for something specific and knew I would find it at this particular place. I had seen them there last summer, but wasn't courageous enough to acquire one.

Musicman asked me what I was going to do with this particular item while we were in the store. I told him I would explain later. He didn't think much of it, I bought the item and we went on with our day. He hasn't inquired since we got home what I plan on doing with it. He probably thinks it's for some project or another as I always seem to have something I'm working on.

Have you guessed yet what I might be referring to? I bought a bamboo garden stake, it's 3' long. Actually, they came in a pack of 25. Obviously I don't need that many, but they didn't sell them individually.

Yep, I went and acquired an entire pack of canes. I have heard they are a quiet implement, something we desperately need more of. Also, I seem to have overcome my total fear of them. Of course that fear may come roaring back once we actually try one. Then I'm really gonna be in trouble if he likes it and I don't. Breaking or losing one is easily understandable, but 25 of them?

Anyone want a cane? They are free to a good home. Haahaahaaa. Oh goodness, what have I gotten myself into?

A Bit About HIM

Sarah at Clear as Mud nominated me for a Liebster award. Thanks Sarah, I don't know where these awards originate from, but it is always an honor to be recognized. Sarah said this was supposed to be a fun activity. As I am currently battling a nasty tooth abscess that has left half my face so swollen I look like the Elephant Man, I could use some thing fun. I know I always enjoy reading posts like these as they give me a further peak into the lives of my blogger friends.

Here are the questions Sarah asked:

1. What is your idea of a perfect way to spend the day? Money is no object. I would spend the day exploring with Musicman. We often take day trips into the country exploring second hand stores or estate sales. I love to repurpose things and can spend hours combing through little backwoods places looking for out of the ordinary things that inspire me. Then lunch or dinner at some out of the way Mom and Pop diner that features homemade comfort food. I would end the day with drinks around the fire, listening to Musicman play his guitar and of course, some great play time. 

2. Favorite spanking implement? The magic paddle that Musicman made, it's made of wood and I covered one side with suede. It's very versatile and can be both stingy or thuddy depending on which side he uses.

3. Favorite spanking position? We don't do a lot of different positions, so I don't really have a favorite. Our most often used position is me on the bed, head down, ass up.

4. Favorite vacation spot? Haven't found it yet, but the top 2 places on my bucket list to visit are Scotland and somewhere tropical.

5. Favorite type of food? Bacon cheeseburger, or pizza with sausage, black olives and onions.

6. What do you snack on? Red licorice if I'm craving sweets, chips and dip if I'm craving savory.

7. First place you had sex? Don't remember, it was way too long ago.

8. Kinkiest/strangest/coolest place you had sex? In a field of fireflies.

9. Beach or Mountains? Beach, with a book.

10. What kind of shoes are you wearing right now? None, if shoes aren't required by law I don't wear them.

11. Person or persons, blogger or not, dead or alive, you admire most? Musicman's Grandmother, she was a wonderful lady and a huge influence in my life.

Since I have been blogging for a few years now there aren't many random things about myself that I haven't shared, so I thought I would share 11 random things about Musicman. I always find it interesting to hear more about the other half of the couple whose blogs I read, especially ones like mine, where the partner does not contribute.

1. Musicman has a full head of dark hair, not a grey in sight, which is why most people think I am older. My hair is much more salt than pepper these days.

2. He plays several musical instruments.

3. Musicman is antisocial, but if he likes you and lets you into his circle of friends, he is loyal to a fault.

4. Musicman is the kind of man who will always pull over to help some one stranded on the highway. He once stopped to offer help to a state cop who appeared to be broken down.

5. He is an extremely picky eater, his preferences run to plain meat and potatoes. I would be a much better cook if this weren't so.

6. He wears a full beard, the goatee area of which went grey after his open heart surgery a few years back. I think it's sexy.

7. Musicman is so intimidating that I have witnessed him scare entire rooms full of babies and young kids to tears, just by walking in. Historically, he scares most of my co-workers too.

8. The majority of his wardrobe is black. He has never in the time I've known him owned a suit or tie.

9. He has the kind of job where he always comes home dirty and smelly. His hands never really come clean. He often doesn't like to touch me until he's showered, but I don't care how dirty or smelly he is, I still find him sexy.

10. He is a whiz with trivia, especially history, music and films.

11. Musicman is the best lover I have ever had and I've had way too many. I knew from the first time we had sex that he was the man for me. We've always had a great sex life and when life conspired to interfere, we did what ever we had to do to get it back.



I know I have been remiss in answering comments. The infection and pain meds I have been on have made me extremely fatigued and put me way behind in all areas of my life. I promise to catch up soon.