I'm feeling a bit scattered today, kinda sluggish and low energy. Subdrop, I suppose. Considering the intensity and frequency we have been playing lately, I'm not surprised. I actually expected it yesterday, which is why I kept myself busy. I've found it helps me to work through it if I stay busy.
Today I feel like an addict looking for her next fix. The bubble of submissiveness and contentment I've been living in is thinning and I don't want it to break. I like how it insulates me from the world, nothing negative can reach me there. I want to lose myself in the safety and innocence of his Dominance.
I want to wallow in the freedom, letting my thoughts wander, unhindered, wherever they may go. I want to lose myself in the memories that evoke such strong physical reactions. I want to feed all the desires that seem to suddenly be so far away.
I try to reason with myself. It's only been one day since we played last. It's only sex. In the over all scheme of things, this isn't all that important. The problem with that is, I don't really believe myself. In the over all scheme of things, it is just sex, but that's important to me. Maybe, more important then it should be.
Of course, it's not just about the sex, it's about the Dominance and the pain. I crave those things sometimes. The dominance is always there, but I feel it most strongly when it comes with the pain, which for us, leads to more. It's that wonderful combination of sexual satisfaction combined with the submissive mindset that comes from the pain and the Dominance that I crave.
I have realized that the more I get those things, the more I want them. It's become an insatiable need. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just know I don't like this in between feeling. Which seems so silly, what grown women can't handle going a few days without a spanking or sex?
Do ya 'spose chocolate would help?