Finally...He Responds

Patience, patience, patience. I have none. I do believe that when God was passing out patience, I held the door for everyone else and by the time I got there he had none left.

Friday night Musicman finally responded to my latest suggestion. It only took a week and a half. Seems like such a simple thing to ask and the waiting was a bit of a challenge for me, but I did it. In his defense, I did not actually explain to him that this was important to me, or why it was.

Not only was I looking for a way to stay connected, both with him and with my sub side, in a house full of people, where spanking(the one sure thing that keeps me connected)is almost nonexistent. I have another reason for proposing this activity.

The pit bull is starting to emerge again. She has good reason. We are currently undergoing testing and Dr. visits for clearances needed for a surgical procedure that Musicman needs to have done.

Musicman has a very complicated medical history. We manage it very well, so most people don't even realize the daily challenges he faces. I believe the fact that I am a natural born caregiver who chose to make that my profession, is one of the reasons the universe put us together. I do an excellent job of coordinating everything and making sure he gets the best possible care available. If he doesn't, they have to answer to the pit bull. Btw, pit bull is the name that Musicman uses to describe me and my actions, when referring to his complicated medical issues.

I'm grateful for the pit bull, she always comes roaring out when we need her. The only problem with that, is that she is so far away from my sub side. When the pit bull comes out, the sub side hides, most likely from fear of getting her head chewed off. Cause that's what pit bulls do, they chomp down and they don't let go.

Knowing that there is a need for her, I wanted to find a way to keep my sub side from going into hiding. It always takes so long for her to come back and I miss her when she is gone. I want to try and prevent the backsliding that occurs when she is around, hence my suggestion.

So, what was my suggestion? Well, we've never been the kind of couple that observes many formal D/s practices. There is nothing we do that, if seen by others, would indicate we are a D/s couple. There is no kneeling, no asking for permission for everyday things, no rules to be followed. Yes, there are some things I seek his permission for and some rules that I follow, but those are things that were setup years ago. They don't feel like D/s to me, they just feel like showing him the respect he deserves, not as a Dom, but as my husband and a human being.

We spend most evenings together, hanging out in our bedroom, relaxing, watching TV and talking about our days. It is a time I thoroughly enjoy. I suggested that maybe on a few of those evenings instead of sitting next to him on the couch, I could sit at his feet. I also asked that during those evenings, if he should choose to indulge me, that he could be a bit more in charge of things. I gave him several ideas of what I meant by that, but, of course, how he chooses to implement it is up to him.

He chose to have me sit at his feet Friday night for the first time. He didn't ask anything of me, but I did give him a nice foot rub. I received a lovely back rub and a very satisfying romp on the couch soon ensued. Afterwards, he did say he had an idea for next time, but he hasn't shared what that is yet. Doesn't really matter to me, I'm ready for more, more, more, whenever he is. Hopefully, it's soon.

Surfing Along

Lately, life feels a lot like surfing on a river. What's that you say? You've never heard of surfing on a river? Let me describe it for you. You are balanced on a smallish, narrow board, negotiating rapids, with no shore in sight. You look for a quiet little inlet that might provide some small chance for rest. Instead, all you see are the dangerous eddies that threaten to suck you under.

I've been doing a somewhat decent job of avoiding those dangerous eddies. I haven't spotted any quiet inlets in which to rest, but I'm still upright amid the rushing waters. That's a good thing.

Life continues to be quite hectic. No privacy in sight. I seem to have turned a corner in dealing with the chaos. My new mantra has become, "let it go, just let it go."  I tell myself this, what seems to be millions of time each day. It doesn't change anything, but it does help me move on, not stay so focused on the negatives.

In the course of the swirling thoughts, I actually did find what I think might be a bit of a solution to help us stay connected amidst the chaos. I thought about it quite a bit before emailing Musicman with my idea. He did read it, though that's about all he has done.

There have been no comments or shared thoughts on my idea. Totally expected from him, but the waiting is about to drive me a bit more insane than I already am. Oh well, "let it go, just let it go." Ah, there I feel better already. Well, not really, but one can hope.

In the mean time, I will continue to negotiate the rapids and hope and pray that I stay balanced and upright. Maybe I'll even find a quiet inlet soon and take the chance to rest a bit before the next set of rapids arrives.

Just A Bit Of Fun

I thought I would share a few pics I found that I thought were interesting. The first pic below is one that showed up on Facebook. It was posted by a friend and at first glance seems innocuous enough. But, take a closer look. What do you see?

 

 

 

 The pic below is also from Facebook. It is from a page I follow called the Naughty Yogini. Several years ago I took yoga on a regular basis. I don't think I ever achieved that kind of flexibility. Hmmm...maybe I should consider starting yoga again.

 

 

 

Have a wonderful day all.

 

 

                                                                              

Love Our Lurker's

Hi everyone, it's Love Our Lurkers day. This is the 8th one, but the second one for me as a blogger.

I started out as a lurker. In fact, more of us than just myself started out that way.  Most of us have a similar story. We were looking for something. Something missing in ourselves, or something we knew was there but were too afraid to talk about or share with anyone. So we turned to the internet for information and found this wonderful community.

I know it can be a bit intimidating looking at that little white comment box. I often felt that way, like anything I said might sound really stupid, or just plain ignorant. The truth of the matter is, we are a pretty nonjudgmental, open minded, welcoming group of people.

We live an alternative lifestyle and no two couples do it exactly alike. We recognize and encourage that. That is why you will often see the acronym TTWD used. It stands for This Thing We Do, and yes, we all do it a bit differently. That's okay. We recognize we are individuals with individual lives. Everyone's situation is different.

Those differences, along with the basic similarities we share, mainly the desire to engage in TTWD, is what makes it all work. Here, in blogland you can talk about anything and receive support, advice, friendship and a good old kick in the pants if needed.

That support, advice and friendship comes from the comments we leave or are left for us. I have learned so much from the other bloggers and from the comments left not only for me, but on the blogs I read. I've made some great friends and they and this community, have been the support I needed to get through some extremely difficult times.

That is why we celebrate our lurker's, to encourage you to step out of the shadows and say Hi. It's easy and you never know when something you have to say may be of help, or lead to a friendship with someone. We know you are there, our stats tell us that. So, take a moment, jump on in and say Hi. We love hearing from you.

Ain't No Knitting Going On Here

I'm trying to learn to knit. It's been quite frustrating, but I think I finally got it. Earlier in the week as I was struggling to make some progress with it, I heard about a survey done by the University of Alabama. The survey said people burn more calories knitting than they do having sex. I don't care, I'll still take sex over knitting any day.

I'm floating on cloud nine today, cause there ain't been any knitting going on here this weekend. Yep, our daughter and her little family went away for the weekend. Hmmm...now...how to get the boy child out of the house for awhile. Musicman to the rescue, he gave the boy money to go out.

Yay, finally, some privacy. We did our best to make the most of it.

The magic paddle was used. It's been awhile, about a month, I think. Wow, did that sting and then thud and then sting again. I even found myself at one point trying to scramble away from his reach. No, I was not successful at that, his hand on my back held me firmly in place.

Mmmmmm....I was already floating into never land when I heard him remark how red I was. Then a switch of implements, the leather strap. Oh yeah, love that leather strap. Love it on my butt, love it on my back, love it on my legs. He covered all those places.

He paused, grabbed my hair and leaned down to my ear, to tell me, very specifically, everything he was going to do to me next. Each thing was accompanied by a just right, tug of my hair. He definitely had my attention, unfortunately, my ability to respond with anything more than one word was lost.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, was all I could say. That wasn't exactly the response he was looking for, so he applied the leather strap some more. Oh, I was most definitely fine with that response. By the time he was done, I was so far beyond any kind of control I would have done or said (had I been able to speak) anything he told me to. I did manage, with some coaxing from him, to say what he wanted to hear.

He was as good as his word and proceeded to do all the things he had previously said he was gonna do. It was wonderful. Every time I thought I couldn't orgasm even one more time, he proved me wrong. I floated from one orgasm to another, sometimes mewling like a kitten, sometimes begging (for what I'm not sure), sometimes screaming, sometimes just gasping for breathe.

His hands grasping like vice grips on my hips, my back arching so far off the bed that I was practically standing on my head. Fists buried in the sheets, gripping tight while I writhed and wriggled in an effort to get closer, or get away. I'm not totally sure which. Doesn't matter either, cause I didn't get away. I got everything I've wanted and needed and then some.

It took me awhile to recover. I was in that glorious, floaty place, unable to feel my body. Just a limp ball of mush with nothing more to worry about than breathing.  I did eventually recover and turned my attentions to him and his beautiful cock, standing at attention waiting for me. I thanked him most profusely.

I slept the sleep of the dead and woke to a lovely hand spanking and some more orgasms. I don't know who the University of Alabama studied for their survey, but I highly doubt their findings. I don't think I could ever burn that many calories knitting, and don't even want to try.



 

At a Loss

Musicman and  I have always had a unique connection. Primarily, a sexual connection.

Sex has always been a major, front and center, part of my life. It's not always been a positive thing in my life, but it's always been present. I worked hard to turn sex from a dark, abusive event into a beautiful, uplifting presence in my life.

I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. But, I persevered and I did find him. We've spent almost 3 decades together. Throughout those decades, we've always communicated best, through sex.

It's just who we are, what we do. There has never been a time when we lived like distant roommates. Coming together, a few moments of passion, that's how we communicate, that's how understand each other. That's what makes life worth living for us.

Now? Well...now it's not happening so much. Just once a week. Almost no D/s involved. That makes me sad. Definitely no spanking occurring. That makes me even sadder.

It's not working so well for me. I don't think it works very well for Musicman either. I want to fix this issue between us. I'm not sure how. We seem so far apart. I try, but I can't seem to bridge the gap.

All I really know, is that I will continue to try. I want him back. I want to connect in that special way that only we can. But, I'm at a loss as to how I can make that happen.

Surviving and Thriving

 

I saw this on facebook and it really spoke to me.

 

Despite all the seemingly negative things that have occurred to me in my life, I have never thought of myself as a victim. Even as a young child, enduring horrific abuse almost daily, I never thought of myself as a victim. I always focused my thoughts on surviving and what I needed to do to survive.

 

This year has been extremely challenging for us with all the major life changes we have experienced. It would be so easy for me to lay down, succumb to depression and just wallow in the pain of it all. I admit, there are some days that I allow myself that luxury, but not too often. The survivor in me just won't accept that kind of behavior for very long.

 

No, the survivor in me gets her ass out of bed and turns her thoughts to what she needs to do to survive. Eventually, once surviving seems a sure thing, thoughts turn from surviving to thriving. Ya see, I am a survivor, but I don't want to just survive. I want to thrive.

 

That's where my thoughts are now. How do I thrive again? Now that I have picked up the pieces, how do I move forward?

 

I've realized that being back at square one may not be such a bad thing. It may actually help us in the end. It may actually go a long way toward making us and our relationship that much stronger. At least that is how I choose to look at it. I choose to look for the lesson I am supposed to be learning. I choose to look for what areas of my life need improvement or change.

 

I've realized that I have not been taking my own advice. Bad me. Instead of turning toward Musicman, I was most definitely shutting him out. I hadn't meant to do that. I really just shut down because I didn't want to deal with the pain of everything going on. That was an acceptable way to deal with things when I was young and had no one to turn to for the love and support I needed.

 

Now, that is not only no longer acceptable, it is totally unnecessary. It is not necessary because he is here, he is willing to support me and he will always love me. I had felt for awhile that things weren't happening between us because he was no longer interested. How wrong I was.

 

Things weren't happening because I was so shut down he was no longer able to reach me. He was no longer able to read me the way he had been able to do. Things weren't happening because he had no clue what to do for me. He tried, but everything he did try, fell on deaf ears.

 

Is everything back to normal for us? No, not yet, that is going to take some more time. But, I am making a very conscious effort to be open to him and be aware of the fact that he is trying. I am making a conscious effort to respond to his overtures in an open and honest manner.

 

It's a start.