Musicman often says that I'm a deep thinker. He's right about that. I've always been envious of the fact that he seems to have the ability to turn his mind off. Mine runs constantly, on multiple tracks which sometimes collide. That's never a pretty sight.
One of the things my mind seems to be obsessed with is how I got to be this way. When I say "this way" I mean, where did my submissive side come from? I don't know why I am so obsessed with figuring this out, understanding it won't change anything for me. It's sorta like the question, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Does it really matter? No, yet I still waste so much thought on it.
These thoughts often take me back to the beginning. One of the things I have realized is that at the beginning, our relationship really was a DD relationship. I don't identify as a DD wife. I do not get punished if I misbehave. Of course, I so rarely misbehave that if I relied on that to get spanked, it would never happen.
That is not because I'm perfect, believe me, I'm not. What I am is very well trained. Which makes me wonder, how did that happen? Well, that's why I say we did have a DD relationship at the beginning.
Did he spank me back then when I displeased him? Oh! Hell! No! If he had tried that, I would have decked him, probably still would. We don't even pretend to do punishment or what I've sometimes heard termed as funishment. I just don't believe that would be something mentally I could handle.
That is not a judgement of the DD couples that do use spanking as punishment. If it works for you, go for it. I just know, it would never have worked for me. Any kind of blatant punishment would cause me to shut down completely. That does not mean though that there were not consequences and accountability, there were.
He has always had his standards, his expectations of me and how I behave. In the beginning it wasn't easy for me to conform to his standards, or to meet his expectations of me. I struggled quite a bit early on, it was slow going in the beginning. Epic fights occured.
There have always been consequences for my actions. Those consequences were never a spanking, they were something much more meaningful to me.
The most effective tool in his arsenal is for him to shut me out. Ignoring me is the absolute worst thing he could do to me. That was often the tool he used to punish me if I misbehaved or acted out. I don't know that I actually thought of it as punishment at the time. What I did think was, I didn't like the way I was being treated and if I behaved, acted in a way he found acceptable, he wouldn't do that to me.
Conversely, if I was behaving well, in a way he approved of, he was always quick to praise me. Positive reinforcement is what I respond best to. He seemed to instinctively know that about me, or maybe that is an ingrained reaction for him. I don't know, but that doesn't really matter. What does matter is the fact that I very quickly learned how to be the woman, the wife, he needed and wanted.
Pleasing him has become second nature to me and I think that is a very good thing. I don't struggle with expectations. I have no issues with putting his needs and desires before my own. I know, without a doubt, he will always be there to meet my every need. I can do no less for him, he deserves that and so much more from me.