Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Confession Time

I'm just popping in to say I miss ya'll so much and I have a confession to make.

When I left here a little over a month ago, I did it because I was dealing with some stuff  that had nothing to do with us or our lifestyle. I needed to focus on that and face it head on in order to be able to succeed. I had to take charge and I couldn't do that and still indulge my submissive side, so I left.

Unfortunately,  it seems I have become addicted to writing. This blog helped me work out so many things, but I didn't want to pollute it with the mundane stuff I needed to deal with. So, I write another blog, the focus of that blog is not my relationship or our lifestyle. It's just me pouring out the day to day frustrations of being a woman in today's world. Boring stuff really.

Some days, most days to be honest, the stuff I write there is dark and cynical. The blog was open for people to read, but until recently I never shared it with anyone. I didn't even tell Musicman. I do have readers, but no one comments. That never bothered me any, cause it really was just a place for me to dump my thoughts so they didn't swirl around in my head.

I have written more and more recently about my desire to come back here and to be faerie again. She never went away entirely. I have always felt her hiding around the corner in my mind, but I haven't let her have her voice. I have been trying to decide whether to share it or not, or whether it might be time for me to come back here. I thought I had decided how to handle it. I thought that maybe soon I would feel like it was safe to give faerie her voice back.

Um, something happened that has kinda forced my hand. Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts has her new blog addition out. Don't we all love when she makes those posts so we can find new friends? I know I do. I never thought that she would find my other blog or that it would appear in her new blog addition, but it has.

I am Lolita Lilyflower and I write Lolita Lilyflower's Letter from a Crazy Lady. To me, that blog is an entirely different voice, a dark, cynical voice that lays everything on the line. It wasn't that I didn't want to share those things, but those things were never the focus or the intent of this blog. I doubt most of what I write there is of any interest to most in this lovely community.

I still haven't made any decisions about what to do with either blog yet.  Suggestions are appreciated.

30 comments:

  1. My advice...the three-and-a-half-cents that it's worth is to be you.
    All. Of. You.
    Weather you need to split you into two blogs or one,
    be who you are and don't be ashamed or embarrassed...don't hold back if it helps you.
    If writing is one of your balms, then use it!
    We're here for you, We like you just the way you are...cynical, dark, light and flying, we like you for being YOU!

    hugs,
    fiona

    BTW, you've been missed!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woohoo, I'm 3 1/3 cents richer, lol. Thanks for the advice fiona. I have been struggling with how to handle what seems to be two very different sides of my personality. I've missed you all too.

      Delete
  2. This is a tough one Faerie but a lot of us probably feel the same, we would read you anywhere because we care about you and have developed a friendship with you over time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have missed my friends, though I often question whether I am good at being a friend. I think that is some of why I didn't feel like writing here for awhile. Everything I needed to say seemed so dark and burdensome.

      Delete
  3. well its nice to see you back.

    Im with fiona, pretty much my view is that whatever you write is you..no one will judge you for that, and what spills out on here whether it be kink related or not is still of value.

    Heck i blogged about my new oven the other day lol

    Hope your all well

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks tori, it's nice to be back. I've missed everyone so much. Congrats on the new oven, as an avid baker that's something I would be excited about :)

      A part of me did want to share what was going on, but another part of me just wanted to ignore it all. I suppose writing as a different persona allowed me to do that.

      Delete
  4. It is good to hear from you, I did not know about the other blog, but I have wondered how you are doing. Do hwat feels right for you...seems like writing is something that calls to you, that you need....hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't tell anyone about the the other blog until very recently, and then I only told one person. While what I write as Lolita has helped me deal with everything, I really didn't think anyone would want to hear such dark things. I am feeling stronger and it's not as dark as it was at first. Writing definitely helps me, and I'm working on accepting and acknowledging the many facets of myself.

      Delete
  5. Just to be practical: combine the two blogs, saves a lot of time and that seems to be short these days.
    Is much better than starting a third blog.
    Here you have your friends who will read anything you write. Escaping to Lolita doesn't help anymore. In the mean time I have read most posts there (sorry).
    So, you might as well stay here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I couldn't even imagine starting a third blog, time really has become a precious commodity for me. Don't be sorry for reading there, it was always open to readers. I just never counted on anyone finding it. Silly of me I suppose, but I'm often silly.

      Delete
  6. write what you will, where you will.

    you have been missed here.

    but you know, if we don't see you around these parts... we're going to go over to Lolita's.

    I'm with Bas. but ultimately I understand categorising. I'm OCD about putting things in their correct place. And i would probably differentiate my blogs according to what the topics were.

    but that's just me. So i will TOTALLY get it if you choose to keep them separate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're always welcome to visit at Lolita's. She's a bit of a touch cookie, but she won't hurt anyone even if she threatens it on occasion :) I haven't made any decisions about what I will do. I suppose it will work itself over time.

      Delete
  7. Glad to see you back, I don't often get a chance to read a lot these day, but I had noticed you pop up today in the blog roll.

    I myself have three blogs, and - it's the writing that is addicting! But, I think I'd keep them all as they are, since each focus on different aspects of your life and writing needs.
    I too often feel like I cant combine my blogs because one is a bit more dark and cynical, and one is just "mommy" jibber jabber about babies and the sort.

    I think they are all wonderful outlets and I'd love reading any of yours if I can!

    ((hugs))
    -Emi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Emi, how in the world do you have the time to write 3 blogs? I understand the need to do it, but you must have even less time than I do with the babies and the girls to take care of.
      It's been good for me to have an outlet that wasn't focused on the D/s part of my life.

      Delete
  8. It is good to see you here, Faerie. I have no advice. Ultimately you need to do what will make you most happy. You are you, and both writings are a part of you. You know I am just happy to call you a friend. Whatever you decide I will be reading and communicating... :-) Hugs, Terps

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for all your support Terpsichore, it has been so valuable to me :) I think I need to stop worrying about it all so much and just let it work itself out naturally.

      Delete
  9. I don't have any advice for you. I just discovered dumping my brain out in writing feels good. I Wouldnt do it for anyone but myself. And when my mind shuts up, I guess I'll be done. Please don't ever take the lack of comments personally! I've been lurking around here and loads of others for a while. I don't usually comment. I'm taking it all in. Thinking, digesting it, thinking some more. A lot if it touches me but I really don't have meaningful comment for anybody - especially having never experienced a bit of this lifestyle firsthand. No common understanding. I wish it was like Facebook where I could just click like and move on my way. So here's a big fat like for your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi chickadee, what a fun name :) If you ever get your mind to shut up please share how you accomplished that, lol. Don't under estimate what you have to contribute to the conversation. Sometimes a fresh eye is the most helpful.

      Delete
  10. Good to see you, faerie!! Love that blog name, btw. Just wanted to point out that I write about non-dd related things all the time and no one has ever fussed about it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rogue, that title seemed very fitting to me and for me :) It wasn't that I thought people would fuss about the non D/s stuff, for some reason I just felt the need to keep it seperate. I'm still trying to figure out why that is.

      Delete
  11. Welcome back. You've been missed by all your blogger friends. As far as advice on what to do with your blogs, I love reading what you write. You have such great insight. But just go with your gut. Best to do whatever you think is right for you. I just hope you keep blogging.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't suppose there is any danger of me stopping now. I really need a place to process things, or maybe 2 places even. I've missed everyone too, and I promise I will be getting caught up on my emails soon. Guess I don't need to explain why I got behind with them :)

      Delete
  12. Whatever makes you happy. If you need 2 separate blogs then keep them both. If having them both takes too much of your time and you'd rather integrate them, then do. No one here will judge the mundane parts of your life. We all have them. Hope everything is settling down for you.

    P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Things are starting to feel manageable again. Which is why I was talking about being faerie again on Lolita's blog. And that is most likely how Bonnie found me. I missed being her very much, but I just couldn't do it for awhile.

      Delete
  13. I'm with Pocahontas and this thought was in my head while I was waiting for the comment box to appear. Do whatever makes you happy. You know that my blog has very little to do with DD or D/s or BDSM or anything except aimless ramblings. We're all friends and read the posts of other friends.

    On another note, I promise I will answer your email soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for saying that, it's good to have friends :) It really wasn't that I didn't want to share that side of my life, I just didn't want to do it here. As faerie I couldn't deal with those things, but as Lolita I can. I think I wanted there to be a part of myself that wasn't touched by it all, if that makes any kind of sense.

      Delete
  14. I understand the need for more than 1 blog. That's why I have my Tiffany Reads, that is for my writing and reading side of me. Jewel is for my weight loss and health, and Life Among Threads is for the crafty side of me. I would love to read both blogs. It is all a part of You and is interesting in my pov.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Tiffany, I never realized that so many people wrote multiple blogs. Of course, I'm a late bloomer when it comes to writing. Hmmmm....a crafty blog? I need to check that out, I'm quite the avid DIY'er :)

      Delete
  15. Just be you.

    Thank you for the update.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm attempting to do that, me just seems to be changing and evolving at the moment. I suppose that is natural, but it seems to be magnified right now.

      Delete