That Moment

There's that moment.

 

The moment immediately after the strap falls,

immediately after the paddle bites.

 

Pain.

Searing.

Hot.

Intense.

 

My mind runs so quickly.

 

What was I thinking?

Why would I subject myself to this?

Why do I seek this?

What if this isn't what I want?

 

Then I remember.

 

BREATHE.

 

All I have to do is breathe.

 

Surrender floods in with the breath,

my mind empties,

control is given over and given up.

Freedom comes in the surrender.

 

Held within the physical pain,

release from the emotional pain,

release from the mental pain.

 

I question no more,

I want no more,

I desire no more,

 

BREATHE.

 

Freedom is what I seek,

therefore,

pain is what I seek.

 

All I must ever do is

BREATHE.

 

 

Blinded...

 

 

Lost,

deep and so alone,

within the recesses of my mind.

 

An arid desert sandstorm,

miniscule particles,

 swirling unto a whole.

 

Blasting away the vestiges,

nightmares among the smoke,

the blood runs thick.

 

How I long,

 for insomnia,

my old friend.

 

The dark pit looms,

I shall close my eyes,

refuse to see.

 

Visages and vignettes,

too gruesome to believe,

no one can survive.

 

Blinded by the sand,

I can not go on,

transformation begins.

 

I reach for salvation,

among the pain,

I shall emerge victorious.

 

 

 

 

When Teardrops Fall Like Rain

When teardrops fall like rain,

and emotions swirl in tornadic proportions.

Black clouds move in,

obscuring the sun.

 

Where has the hope gone?

Will the joy return?

 

The landscape is barren,

the future too dim to see.

Everything we worked so hard to achieve,

swept away in the blink of an eye.

 

Do I believe in salvation?

 Will healing begin?

 

I stumble through the rubble,

falling over the broken dreams.

Covered in dirt and dust,

to weak to go on.

 

Will you find me here?

Will you bring the dream back to me?

My body paralyzed,
I'm stuck in the waste land of my mind.
Please hurry Love,
come take me to paradise and beyond.

 

 



Anchor the Pain

When the world is tumultous

                                                               and emotions collide,

                                                                        pain
                                                                becomes pleasure
                                                                        pain
                                                               becomes a craving
                                                                       pain
                                                       becomes a need I must feed.


                                                              Dizzy with doubt
                                                      miscommunication abounds,
 
                                                                       pain
                                                           becomes my focus
                                                                      pain
                                                          becomes my control
                                                                      pain
                                                          becomes my escape.

                                                                        
                                                          I'm lost in this world
                                                   casting about for an anchor,
                 
                                                                                           
                                                                My anchor,
                                                                he frees me,
                                                                through the pain,
                                                                I attain pleasure,
                                                                through the pain,
                                                                I achieve freemdom,
                                                                from the pain.

                                                     

FACADES

The beautiful facades I see,

As I drive down the street.

What secrets do they hold?

Wondrously strong structures,

Lace window panes.

What transparency do you show,

Is that LOVE I see?

You’re not fooling me.

Pain,

Amidst the LOVE.

Storms you weather from,

Families you embrace.

Is that hate upon your face?

Secrets you hold close,

Do I have the courage to see?

Love and Loss,

Weaken you at your knees.

The foundation weathers,

The façade fades.

Wonderously strong structures,

Survive the test of time.

That IS Love I see.