Sorting the Crazy Thoughts

I've had an interesting week, lots of things to think about but haven't really felt much like writing. Now I need to write to sort further. So I'm just going to dive in and see where it goes. 

Thanksgiving day I had a visit from a ghost. I know, I know a little weird, but it's been happening all my life and seems normal to me. I also have prophetic dreams. It occurred mid afternoon and my son observed it also. I didn't find out until around 3:00 a.m. when I was talking with my husband and mentioned it that he had also had an occurrence earlier that evening. My husband was a died in the wool skeptic about that kind of stuff until he met me. He has seen it so often that he no longer finds it odd. I have a brother who is 9 years younger than I am who this also happens to. My son is starting to have occurrences also, it did not surprise any of us in the slightest.

Holidays have been a time of great stress for us. My husband's organ transplant happened two weeks prior to christmas. The hospital was 100 miles from home, our children where young and not able to be with us. I am very thankful that everything has worked out as well as can be expected, but at the time it was a nightmare. This time of year is also when we have lost several family members. My husband's uncle passed during the holidays of the same health issue my husband is dealing with now, he was 2 years older then my husband is. We also lost my father-in-law during the holidays of the same health issue, he was 4 years older then my husband is. Add to that the fact that I had spoken with my husband's doctor on Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I was sinking into melancholia pretty fast. I believe they came to remind me that I am not alone. The next set of tests is in about 10 days. My husband is frustrated because he fatigues very easily, I'm flat out terrified. Now would not seem to be the best time to be talking about the changes I want, but it was actually the first email I sent that motivated him to get checked. So since we have successfully dealt with serious health issues before we will now deal with this too.

After Saturday night when my husband was able to finally help me get some stuff out it was like opening a flood gate. Things would be much easier if he would just let me email him, but he has his reasons for not wanting to communicate that way and I understand and respect those reasons. He has always been like this and is prepared for the consequences, the flood.

He told me he was a little surprised by the email, because I am such a strong woman he didn't think I would ever be interested in D/s. Have I mentioned how tired I am of hearing how strong I am?  If not, I am. Anyway, I of course have my own theories about why this has become an interest of mine. I say interest because even though I have discussed with him that it seems to have become more of a need then a want, that is still something I am wrapping my head around. He has no problems with it and has his own theories on the whys of it. His theory and mine are very different but the truth is somewhere in the mix of both. Not a big surprise to either of us as he often sees the side of things that I don't.

Sunday afternoon we had spent sometime together napping, of course we didn't sleep. I was just drifting off, lying in that wonderful post orgasmic fog when our son knocked on our door to tell us he was going out for awhile. I don't believe he was out the door a second and my husband yanked back the blanket and proceeded to show me that he has absolutely no problems with the fact that I like to be spanked. The only problem he has in fact is the lack of privacy because our son is home most of the time.  Mmm, I love my husbands hands and the wonderful things he does with them, including spanking.  Anyone want a 16 year old boy, just for awhile?

My husband has taken to asking me most nights if I have any crazy thoughts running through my head I want to share. He uses those words specifically because they are my words, that is how I describe it. Sometimes they do feel like crazy thoughts. I mean really, when you tell your husband of so many years, hey, guess what, I think I like pain, how would you feel about spanking me. Seems crazy to me, fortunately for me it doesn't to him.

I was really surprised when he brought up the subject of implements, yeah, him not me. That of course led to me explaining the word pervertables to him. See, that is why he doesn't want me writing to him, he always gets me to say more then I ever plan on.  I didn't see the harm in mentioning pervertables, after all I don't own a hairbrush.  I do cook alot but I don't own a wooden spoon. My dog likes to steal them off the stove and chew them up so I don't use them. I found out how sneaky my husband really is when I was unpacking groceries yesterday and found a hairbrush. I don't even know when he picked it up or how he got it past me at the checkout.  Methinks I have created a monster, I'm just not sure if it's me or my husband.