Is that one of those kinky collar things?

That's the question I was recently asked by someone in reference to my necklace.

I just smiled and said, "you never know, it just might be."

Obviously my necklace is in the collar style, but whether or not it is a collar is really up to me and the meaning I attach to it. I have thought a bit about what it means to me since I started wearing it. It really became clear what I thought about it when I removed it to start my new job.

To me a collar symbolizes ownership. Specifically his ownership of me. Do I really feel like he owns me? I wondered this for awhile and then I remembered something. I remembered a time back in the early days of our relationship. A time when his possessiveness of me was a huge issue. An issue that caused quite a few fights between us.

I remembered a specific argument we had where I was insisting to him that he couldn't own me. I used those exact words and many others, in a desperate attempt to explain to him in a way that he would understand that I could never allow that.

I also remember very clearly seeing the look on his face. That look told me in no uncertain terms that I could talk till I was blue in the face, but he wasn't going to change his mind. I was his and no one, not even me, was going to change that view.  I don't know why that argument was different from the many previous arguments.  Maybe it was the look on his face, but that is when I started to accept that he did in fact own me.

So then I wondered, what does that really mean? What does being owned look like to me? Does it mean I can never say no to anything, ever? No, and I don't think that is what he expects from me. I think for us what being his means is just that. I'm his, I don't deny him access to my body, ever, and I don't share it with anyone but him.

I've said before that Musicman is not much of a talker, rather he is a man of action. He may not say I am his very often, but he shows me everyday, through his actions.  The constant touching and groping every time I am near. It took me some time to get used to it, but not only did I get used to it, I soon learned to love it.

I became very comfortable with his constant intimate touches. I learned very quickly not to hide my body from him, he wouldn't allow that anyway. I learned very quickly that there was no good reason to deny him sex, he simply didn't accept no for an answer.

Over the years these things have had a very positive effect on me. It has made me very confident in how I look. I'm no supermodel, I definitely have my flaws, but he doesn't see them. He also doesn't allow me to say negative things about my body. Consequently, that confidence in myself has grown and spread to other areas of my life. It's made me a stronger woman then I might have been without his influence.

So, is that one of those kinky collar things? Yes, I think it is. It is a symbol of ownership, one that I am very proud of. I'm very proud to be his and I would scream it to the world if they were interested in listening.

When I took my collar off to start the new job I missed it immediately. I put it back on after only two days. So far I've gotten many compliments on it, but no questions about it's meaning. I suppose if asked my answer will depend on who is doing the asking.