Monday, July 28, 2014

Next Time...I'll Know Better

This past week has been a very long, emotional one. Not just for me either. Musicman is extremely unhappy with what is going on with our daughter and granddaughter.

Our daughter often says she wants a man just like her dad. I totally agree with her. He's pretty magnificent and she should want someone just like him. It pisses me off to hear her say this, because it is a total insult to her dad, my Musicman.

The problem: she thinks she has that and she really doesn't. There is no way in hell, that her man,(a term I use very loosely) is anything at all like her dad. Honestly, he's a user and a loser. I see it, but she doesn't, not yet anyway.

So, given that fact, things blew up here pretty bad. For once, it wasn't me being the one to lose control. It takes a lot to make Musicman blow up that way, but it did happen.

I had thought, early on in the week, to offer myself up for his use, as a way to defray the tension. Unfortunately, there was no privacy to be had, so it didn't happen. Yeah, I paid for that the next morning, when he totally lost it. His words and actions weren't aimed at me, but sometimes it's just too difficult to duck. I caught the fallout. Whether I wanted it or not, there it was, in all it's ugliness.

I know, because he's told me, I shouldn't take it personally. I shouldn't let it hurt me. This is not a reflection on me. I do understand that, but guess what? I'm not so good at that. I fought, hard. Not to take it personally. Not to let it hurt me.

I failed. I can understand the not taking it personally. I can't get past the not letting it hurt me. Seeing him hurting and in pain, always causes me pain.  I started that dreaded spiral of emotions, driven by hormones. A ride I always want to exit, but never seems to end.

Lessons learned. I should have just knelt before him, offering him a paddle, or in the absence of privacy, the cane. The physical pain would have been so much less and so much more desirable than the emotional pain that was experienced.

Damn. I hate this learning lesson's thing that life likes to throw at me. Next time...I'll know better.

Lily+by+iKink.deviantart.com+on+@deviantART



18 comments:

  1. Oh Faerie, my heart goes out to you. It's so hard to watch your kids go through hard times. I do hope things improve and her "sight" becomes clearer. I think deep down maybe she knows...we usually do.
    Big hugs,
    River

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    1. I think she knows too and just doesn't want to admit that she has made a huge mistake. I just hope she realizes it before she wastes too much more time investing in this relationship. She deserves so much better.

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  2. Awww Faerie...I am so sorry you and Musicman have had to go through this pain. My oldest married a 'woman', brought her home to meet the family (after the wedding) and she proceeded to make passes at his younger brother, cousin and my ex! He wouldn't listen to us and they moved half way across the country...I lost him for almost 2 years. :( Thank the good lord she finally left him before they had children...but he was so terribly hurt...I still want to hurt her...badly! He is now happily married with two wonderful children and an awesome wife.

    Sending prayers and healing energy for you and Musicman as well as positive thoughts that your daughter opens her eyes...soon!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat, it is so hard to see our kids struggle and not being able to do anything to help them really sucks. I'm happy your son turned his life around and found the right one for him. I hope my daughter manages that before she is totally destroyed.

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  3. Hugs, faerie. No matter how much you might have taken on yourself to diffuse the tension, you were not the cause of his pain. It sounds as though he needed to fully unload on the object(s) of his aggravation, and they probably needed to hear it. You offering yourself up may have helped let off the steam, but it could only be a temporary reprieve. The man, being a man, chose to address it head-on at the source. It's unfortunate and terribly unfair any fallout was misdirected at you. That was merely their immature way of deflecting blame and ownership of the problem away from themselves. The lesson here was for them, not you. Let them own all of it as they should.

    Trust your Musicman to lead you through this emotional minefield. I recall reading here that he can be very, very good at that. :-)

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    1. I am more than happy to let my kids own this problem, but his explosion changed nothing. All he really managed to achieve was upsetting himself and me. It has become a cyclical thing that occurs every few months, so since it accomplishes nothing positive, I am looking for away to stop it in it's tracks.

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  4. I love what Irishey said, as usual her words of wisdom are right on. So i will only add {{HUGS}} and lots of positive energy.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks abby, days like that are days I really just want to run away.

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  5. ((Hugs)) Faerie. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope your daughter sees what you do soon. Very wise words from Irishey.

    Sending positive thoughts and energy your way.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz, I too hope she opens her eyes soon. It is so hard to her hurting and not be able to help.

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  6. I am so sorry, hopefully one day the lights will go on in your daughters heart, because right now it's overruling her head.

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    1. Very true statement, I hope it happens sooner rather than later.

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  7. I am on the same path right now. My daughter wants what I have with Dragon but she keeps finding the wrong kind of man. I want to shake her until her teeth rattle. An abusive ass is not a dominant leader. Grrr.

    I stand and take the fallout to keep it off of our younger kids. No privacy, thin walls and nosey teenagers. Sometimes I just have to say " heck with it" and we take it to the seat of the problem. A little time with the paddles does a world of good for both of us.

    Hugs. Wishing you some alone time with your music man.

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    1. Taking it to the seat of the problem often helps us deal better too, which is why I should have just followed my instincts. We would have been far better off if I had since his explosion didn't really effect our daughter or change anything for her. Darn kids anyway, lol.

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  8. I hope your daughter can soon see clearly what you already know.
    I am sorry for the hurt and emotions...it is hard to feel everything so deeply sometimes... Big hugs to you.

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    1. It really is hard to feel so deeply, I often wish I didn't, even though in reality I know I wouldn't change that about myself.

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  9. Like abby, I loved what Irishey said here, as well as the other comments. But wanted to add more hugs to the mix here.

    xxoo
    brat

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    1. Thank you, the support is always appreciated :)

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