to continue from my previous post...
I lay waiting on the bed while Musicman showered. I knew he had playtime on his mind, I did too, only not in the same way. I was quite torn. Usually, I always look forward to playtime, sometimes a little nervously, but I look forward to it. This time, I was torn.
There was most definitely a part of me that was still miffed. Not with him, but with the situation. I did NOT want to play. Unusual for me, but, there was a part of me that did NOT want a spanking. We don't do punishment in any form, so that wasn't it. I just needed a bit more time to move past everything. I just can't switch moods that fast like he can.
Then there was the part of me that did want to play, the part of me that knew that a good spanking would definitely put me in a better headspace. Those two parts of me had quite the argument amongst themselves while Musicman was showering. I was very tempted to tell him no, but I never do that. Mostly because I know that even if I'm not in the mood, if I go into it with an open mind, he will get me in the mood, usually rather quickly too.
So, that's what I tried to do. I was open to him and a spanking, but I wasn't enthusiastic about the whole thing. I don't know if he was taking out some of his frustration, or if it just felt that way to me. He started with the magic paddle, which normally I love. This time, not so much. I do think part of the problem is that due to the recent dearth of spankings around here, I am finding the magic paddle a bit much to start with. My mixed emotions most definitely effected how I responded too. It plain hurt and not in the good way, I very quickly started to cry, very, very unusual for me. I have only cried once before from a spanking.
Musicman hates to see me cry and since crying is far from the normal reaction to a spanking for me, I think it threw him off a bit too. He stopped spanking, started rubbing my back and whispering into my ear. He was telling me what he had planned to do, something that, had I been in the right frame of mind I would have been quite willing to do. In that moment though, I just wasn't sure. In fact, in that moment, I had NO idea what I wanted or needed.
He continued to softly question me as to what I needed. I didn't know, and that's exactly what I told him. I told him he needed to decide what he wanted and just do it, cause all I could specifically say I wanted, was to not have to think. All I wanted was to be able to feel, just let go and feel all the glorious things that only he can make me feel. Just take me to that wonderful place where everything is positive and everything is safe, the place where worries don't exist, the outside world does not exist. Please...take me to that place.
He took me at my word and made a decision. He decided not to continue with the spanking. I have no idea what would have happened if he had continued and I suppose we will never know. That's okay though, what he did decide to do took me to that wonderful place I so desperately wanted to go. He used one of our new toys, the g spot vibrator, accompanied by the stingy little flogger made from leather shoelaces.
He likes to challenge himself and see how many times he can make me orgasm. I never bother to count, cause I find it distracting, but he often likes too. It's not unusual for me to have dozens, each one taking me higher and higher, to that wonderful, floaty place. Each one more explosive and wilder than the last, until my body is limp and feels like liquid and I can no longer respond in any meaningful way.
He is on a mission to make me squirt. He rung orgasm after orgasm after orgasm from me. I couldn't think, I couldn't worry, I couldn't remember where I was or that anyone or anything, other than he and I, existed. It was glorious and it was exactly what I needed at that moment. I haven't been able to squirt, yet. But it sure is a lot of fun trying. It may have started out a bit rocky, but we got our "epic".