Is a Pic really worth a thousand words?

Craving

In most area's of my life I'm usually a pretty laid back, easy going kinda girl.  The exception to that is when it comes to love. I love very intensely. I don't waste my energy on hating. I don't believe in that and prefer to expend my energy in more positive ways.

The more stress I have to deal with, such as last week, the more I begin to crave intensity. I crave the intensity that only Musicman can give me. I crave the pain, the dominance and the control. I crave the weightlessness of subspace and a mind that has finally turned off all the outside influences that drag me down.

We did have a brief session with the plastic coat hanger Saturday night. It was nice, but due to the house being full, it was necessarily restrained. It left me feeling the need for intense. It left me craving something that looked as if wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

In an effort to ignore what I was craving, I spent some time Sunday afternoon sitting in the sun reading. Books are like best friends to me and I can always use them for a much needed escape.

By mid afternoon, we were miraculously, home alone. Musicman wasted no time inviting me to come in out of the sun and to our room. Being that I was now faced with the opportunity to fulfill my cravings one would have thought I would have jumped to do his bidding when he suggested I take "the girls" out. I was wearing a strappy cami type top and it would have been easy to do, but for some reason, I didn't. So silly of me that in that moment, I get all shy. What's up with that?

It wasn't long before he repeated his request, this time making very sure I knew it was NOT a request. I quickly jumped to do as told as he came up behind me, slowly rubbing the cane along my legs as he wrapped his arm around me and underneath my breasts. Then he lifted them slightly and brought the cane down across them a few times.  As he was doing that he was speaking very closely in my ear. He said, "I'm going to beat your ass, bare it and bend over."

Dang, I was already wet as I quickly hiked my skirt up and bent over and grabbed the edge of the bed. Oh yes, he beat my ass, my legs, my back and I was soon lost in the intensity of the moment.  I was getting everything I had been craving and more. It took no time at all for me to slip into the total submissive mindset, the one where I do everything he tells me the first time and every time.

He pushed me hard, he demanded things that are usually very difficult for me. Yet, on that day, in that moment, I accomplished everything he asked, without a second thought. I got my intense. I got the weightlessness and quiet mind that I was craving.

It came just in time too, cause this week has proved to be just as stressful as the last one. I would ask one favor from you, my readers. Many of my long time readers probably already know that Musicman has a few serious health challenges. It is something we both work to manage and minimize the impact of, on our lives.  Friday he goes back into the hospital for a couple of surgical procedures. The doctors are saying maybe a 2-3 day stay. Of course, I will be with him the whole time making sure he gets the best care available. I ask that you keep us in your prayers. An extra angel on our shoulders would not go amiss during this time. Thank you.

Next Time...I'll Know Better

This past week has been a very long, emotional one. Not just for me either. Musicman is extremely unhappy with what is going on with our daughter and granddaughter.

Our daughter often says she wants a man just like her dad. I totally agree with her. He's pretty magnificent and she should want someone just like him. It pisses me off to hear her say this, because it is a total insult to her dad, my Musicman.

The problem: she thinks she has that and she really doesn't. There is no way in hell, that her man,(a term I use very loosely) is anything at all like her dad. Honestly, he's a user and a loser. I see it, but she doesn't, not yet anyway.

So, given that fact, things blew up here pretty bad. For once, it wasn't me being the one to lose control. It takes a lot to make Musicman blow up that way, but it did happen.

I had thought, early on in the week, to offer myself up for his use, as a way to defray the tension. Unfortunately, there was no privacy to be had, so it didn't happen. Yeah, I paid for that the next morning, when he totally lost it. His words and actions weren't aimed at me, but sometimes it's just too difficult to duck. I caught the fallout. Whether I wanted it or not, there it was, in all it's ugliness.

I know, because he's told me, I shouldn't take it personally. I shouldn't let it hurt me. This is not a reflection on me. I do understand that, but guess what? I'm not so good at that. I fought, hard. Not to take it personally. Not to let it hurt me.

I failed. I can understand the not taking it personally. I can't get past the not letting it hurt me. Seeing him hurting and in pain, always causes me pain.  I started that dreaded spiral of emotions, driven by hormones. A ride I always want to exit, but never seems to end.

Lessons learned. I should have just knelt before him, offering him a paddle, or in the absence of privacy, the cane. The physical pain would have been so much less and so much more desirable than the emotional pain that was experienced.

Damn. I hate this learning lesson's thing that life likes to throw at me. Next time...I'll know better.

Tap, Tap, Tapping

Musicman and I don't fight with each other. Don't get me wrong, we disagree about things on occasion, but we learned long ago how to discuss those disagreements in a civilized and respectful manner. The days of screaming at each other, name calling and other hurtful things are in our distant past. It was something we worked very hard to achieve at the beginning of our relationship.

In the past few months we have over heard our daughter and her boyfriend fighting quite a bit. Yelling, screaming, name calling, the whole bit. It is awkward and painful to hear, especially since there isn't much we can do about it. I am more than willing to offer advice if she asks, but I refuse to get involved, unless of course things were to get physical. I refuse to get involved because I know if I do, she will blame me when this relationship ends.

Friday evening Musicman and I went out to visit some friends. Unbeknownst to us, our daughter and her boyfriend spent the evening fighting again. At some point he left and didn't tell our daughter where he was going. Musicman and myself were unaware of this until Saturday afternoon when she finally broke down and told us what happened, along with the fact that he still wasn't home and she had no idea where he was. He took the car, with the baby seat still in it and all their money.

She was scared senseless. She had called all his friends, whom all said they hadn't heard from him. She had called the local hospitals looking for him. I did my best to listen and offer advice, but inside I was seething. She was worried he had crashed the car and was lying in a ditch some where needing help. My thought; he better be in a ditch somewhere, cause if he isn't, I'm gonna put him in one and cover it with 6 feet of dirt.

Musicman left to take our daughter and the baby to her friends house for the night. When he got back home, I was doing a slow burn, plotting all the ways I was going to seriously hurt that man when he finally did turn up. I was sitting in my recliner, my foot, tap, tap, tapping away at top speed. A sure sign that I am beyond aggravated.

We talked about the situation for a short time, discussing the practical things we can do to help her. I'm fully onboard with those things, but my foot kept tapping away. All I really wanted to focus on was how many creative ways I could come up with to hurt that man for abandoning my daughter and granddaughter. Believe me when I tell you I can come up with quite few. The whole time my foot is tapping away, faster and faster and faster.

Finally Musicman comes over to where I'm sitting and places his feet around my furiously tapping foot until I stopped. Then he pulled me out of my chair and suggested we go upstairs. He pointed out that we where home alone and depending how this all works out we might get alone time again for awhile.

A lovely session with the leather paddle and many orgasms later and I felt much better. We enjoyed a peaceful evening together, which could be our last for awhile.

Our daughter did discover that her boyfriend is fine and staying with a friend, one who had previously lied to her and told her he wasn't. The coward still hasn't come back home and we have a lot to figure out before tomorrow morning when we are all scheduled to go back to work. Yes, I'm still running through, in my mind, all the many ways I am going to make him pay for being an irresponsible, untrustworthy, absolute asshole who is a very poor excuse for a man. He made a very serious mistake messing with my family, cause I don't take that lightly, neither does Musicman, though of the two of us, he needs to worry more about me than he does Musicman.

Vacation, Staycation or Playcation?

Several months ago I mentioned that Musicman had put in for time off from work. I immediately put in for the same time off and ran with the idea of going away. It's been a long time since we had the luxury of vacation time. I knew what would make for the perfect get away for us, but wasn't sure I could make it come to fruition.

I tried. I really tried hard, but just couldn't find the ideal situation for us. Musicman even did some research and didn't really come up with anything ideal either. The kids and their needs had something to do with that, but that's become the reality I have to deal with.

So, deal with reality I did. We weren't going away, but that didn't mean we couldn't still have fun. The first night that our vacation officially started, I made some lists. I made one list of things I wanted to get accomplished around the house. I made another list of day trips or places I wanted to go. Then I made one last list, a list of things I wanted to do.

That last list, in my opinion, was the most important. The entire list contained 2 things:
sex daily,
spankings as often as privacy allows. 

Musicman read and approved of my lists. I had not assigned any particular thing to any day. That became a fluid thing based on Musicman's preferences. That's kinda how it goes when you live with a dominant man, at least for me.

We accomplished almost everything on my chore list. We experienced almost everything on my places to go list. My last list? Yeah, that went pretty well too.

Out of 10 days, we missed 2. I didn't feel like a failure, cause there were several days when we found time to play multiple times. We were able to employ instruments other than the very quiet cane. We revisited the magic paddle, the flogger and the leather strap, many times.

He went above and beyond, making me coffee, serving me breakfast in bed, more than once. And, I actually went a whole entire week with out cooking one single meal. Musicman is an incredibly picky eater and me not cooking usually only occurs once a week.

For me, it was a wonderful week and a half, spent with the absolute love of my life, playing to my hearts content. Unfortunately, I had to return to reality today. Back to work for both of us, much to our chagrin.

No more sleeping in. No more coffee and breakfast in bed. No more lying in the sun, poolside, reading, while Musicman napped. No more roaming barefoot in my favorite sundress and sun hat. No more spankings, sex and orgasms galore, whenever we were able to take advantage of an empty house. Which, just let me say, increases greatly if we aren't waisting time working.

This morning my coworkers all asked me how my vacation was? I couldn't contain the wicked smile that broke out each time. They also asked me what I did? I really wanted to tell them, I connected on another level with my husband. I had tons of great sex, spankings, floggings, strappings. Orgasms beyond what I can sometimes comprehend. Just the memories of them take my breath away. Those are the kind of memories I always enjoy making.  I was the center of his attention. For ten whole days.

I didn't tell them that, but I may have hinted a bit, with out providing details, of course.  While I may not have found what I thought was the perfect get away, I believe I found something perfect anyway.

Ummmm....Oops!

There seem to be so many people constantly in and out of our house. The kids keep very different schedules than do Musicman and myself. They come and go at all hours. We never really know when we will have private time.

We are learning to take advantage of those rare times when we find our selves home alone. It's not the ideal way to play. Sometimes we are busy doing other vanilla life type things. Sometimes we are tired from long days at work. Sometimes we just don't feel like jumping each other just because the house is empty.

Too bad.

We've begun to learn to take advantage of those times, whether we are really in the mood or not. If we miss an opportunity, it may not present itself again for a while. Then we are both left wanting, not a good thing.

We have learned that our best times on the weekends are late afternoon. Our son is working and our daughter is usually out somewhere seeing her step kids. She has two of them.

That was the case today. Musicman had woken in a bit of a bad mood. Nothing serious, just one of those days when I needed to let him be, while I went about my own business. I did some chores, some baking and some cooking.

Today is Musicman's birthday. Shhh...don't tell anyone, he doesn't care for a lot of fanfare. He turned 50 today and he still doesn't have one gray hair, on his very healthy head of hair I might add. So not fair.

I made him his favorite, a blueberry pie. Yeah...I'm that crazy lady who turns on her oven in 84 degree weather to bake, just because it's his favorite. I also prepped for dinner, the first one that I cooked in a week(unusual for me, but that's a story for another day).

Eventually, everything I had set out to accomplish, had been done. Musicman had taken our son to work and our daughter and her family were out for the day. Or so we thought.

He approached me, cane in hand as I walked into our room. He gathered me up in his arms and started administering that cane to my backside. Then he spun me around, still holding me close in his arms as he administered the cane to my front side. This behavior continued on for several twirls. Not only was I feeling the sting of the cane, but I was starting to get a bit dizzy from the constant twirling.

The he backed up a few steps, cane still in hand, still connecting with various body parts and ordered me to continue. Continue what? I was confused, and the burn of the cane was setting in, effectively obscuring any rational thought on my part.

He ordered me to strip.

Oh! Okay!

The cane continued to reign down over various body parts as I twirled and stripped. I was seriously starting to get very dizzy. That's when he decided his shorts were becoming a bit too tight and removed them.

I couldn't help myself, I pounced and it was on. His gorgeous cock was staring me right in the face and kneeling before him just felt so incredibly right. He continued to employ the cane as I knelt before him and had my treat.

At some point, way beyond my ability to remember details, we moved to the bed. I remember him entering me, I was so wet and he was so hard. He enjoys and encourages me to be loud. He likes to hear me beg. At that point, not a problem for me. A very good time was had.

It wasn't until we were done, that we realized, we were not alone. Our daughter and her family had come home. It is quite probable, based on what we realized next that they heard us.

I wish I could say I was dying of embarrassment. I'm not. Maybe now they will think twice before they unlock that door and come in(the doors to our house are almost never locked, too much traffic coming and going). Maybe now they will realize that Mom and Dad aren't just Mom and Dad. Hey...maybe they will work a bit harder to try and give us our privacy.

Also, I wanted to say thank you to all that have welcomed me back and left comments for me. I promise, I have read them all and will be answering them soon.

In The Land of Fae...

...is where I wish I could say I've been.

Unfortunately... no such luck.

Within a day of my last post my internet connection went out. Life, being what it is, prevented me from remedying the situation until 2 days ago. During the last 2 months(seriously can't believe time passed that quickly), days on end went by without me being able to tune in and turn on. On the rare occasion I could get online, it was mere minutes until I got tossed off again. So frustrating, yet, very liberating.

So...here's what's been going on in my world:

My last post got Chrossed. It garnered over 6,000 hits alone. That kind of freaked me out a bit as I'm not used to that. I think of this place as a small little blog, not one that gets that many hits per post, for sure. It also made me wonder how he found me. I rarely ever even remember to tag my posts.

Warm weather has finally arrived. I tan easily and time offline has been spent in the sun making me dark as a nut. Musicman continues to seek shelter in the shade cause he's a burn and peel kinda guy.

I've been working crazy amounts of hours, almost twice what I usually work. The company I work for is extremely generous with vacation hours. I don't get any, cause I'm just a sub, but that means they need me more than ever right now. There has been some talk that they are going to need another full time person soon and many of my coworkers are lobbying hard for it to be me. I do love my job and while I'm not lobbying for it, if it were offered, I would take it.

The kids are all still here. I've come to accept the fact that none of them are leaving any time soon. Not an easy place for me to get to, cause that means giving up on my dreams, for now. They are all working, though vastly different hours from each other and from Musicman and myself. That makes for a very busy household and very little privacy.

Our Grandbaby is 10 months old. She's been walking for about a month, and working very hard to learn to climb. She's got an entire smile full of teeth and knows about a half dozen words, including, much to his delight, "Grandpa".  He's been coaching her since the day she was born.  My house is once again "baby proofed". At almost 50 years old, I don't find that all so easy, but it is what it is and I'm learning to adapt.

I must admit, I find Musicman as a Grandpa to be very sexy. That little girl has him so tightly wrapped around her little finger it isn't even funny, but it makes me grin like an idiot none the less. She has become one of the great joys in my life and watching her with Musicman...well, that's just indescribable joy for me.

One would think, given all that I have laid out above, that there isn't much in the way of D/s or kink going on here. If you thought that, you would be wrong. Things have been good. I just need to get back into the swing of writing and sharing again. When I knew it wasn't possible, it was easy to forget how to do it. That doesn't necessarily mean it was good for me.

I hope to do that soon, cause while I've coped with my enforced absence, maybe even benefited from it, I've definitely missed interacting with the likeminded individuals that make up this lovely community. In short, I've missed ya'll.

I've also missed posting my faerie's. It's so hard to pick just one, they're all so beautiful.