Friday, August 22, 2014

Too much, yet not enough.

Life has just been a bit too much for me lately.  I haven't had the time, or the inclination, to come here. Just the idea of focusing on this aspect of my life has felt like a slap in the face. Like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. It  represents a part of my life that just can't be right now. Something I crave, yet is impossible to satiate.

After a week of the pitbull standing guard, I was finally able to bring my Musicman home. He was well enough after a few days that I returned to work. I love my job, but, it consumes a lot of energy. No matter how much energy it consumes, it's just a small fraction of the energy I have needed to meet all my obligations.

So many extraneous things that need to be dealt with on a minute to minute basis. Way to wearying to even begin to outline. I ignore the weaknesses that come with the minutiae of life, the ones that threaten to drag me under. I stand tall and strong and face all adversities, all the while refusing to acknowledge that I am crumbling inside.  

I am a very strong woman. I can face anything life throws at me. I can go forever, like the energizer bunny, as long as I have one thing.

If I have my Musicman, 100% and at my side, I can do anything.

That is why I am feeling so drained. He's doing very well, recovering nicely, but not 100%.  He just can't be there in the way I really need him to be. Something he and I define quite differently I might add.

He thinks I need this one thing. One he is quite proud that he is able to supply. I am proud of him for achieving this thing so quickly, only because I know it is important to him. For me, I really couldn't care less. This thing he finds so important, truly doesn't mean much to me. It's something I can do for myself any time I choose, much to his everlasting chagrin.

He focuses all his energy on that one thing, leaving none for what I truly need from him. At this moment, I accept that, because I know it's a HIM thing. I know he needs to do this, in this way, whether it works for me or not. By the way, it doesn't really work for me, but I'm not pushing. I just can't do that right now.

I simply love him to much, to do anything else, other than wait for him to fully return to me. I know he will, eventually. I just hope it's soon, cause I'm not sure how much longer I can hang on.

fairies

18 comments:

  1. Hey Faerie...happy that your Musicman is back home and on his way to a full recovery. Hope he gets back to 100% and is able to give you what you need soon. Until he does, hang in there sweetie...please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat, things are getting better. Maybe not as quickly as I would like, but they are getting better. I'm very grateful for that.

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  2. It is good news about Musicman, very glad to hear he is on the road to recovery. Hang in there, i know you will, hoping that soon you will get some relief and some of what you need.
    hugs abby

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    1. I keep reminding myself that progress, even slow progress, is still progress. While waiting for him to fully recover is trying my patience, I am happy that he is recovering, that's really the most important thing anyway.

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  3. So glad to hear Musicman is home and recovering well. I hope he is back to 100% soon and that you get what you need. Hang in there!

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. thanks Roz, I'm like that little kittie at the end of the rope, desperately grasping on to the knot :)

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  4. Thinking of you...I know it's tough when you have to be everything to everybody.

    xo

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    1. Thank you little girl, it is difficult being everything to everyone, but I'm pretty sure that is the exact definition of being female :)

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  5. Glad that musicman is healing and hope he is feeling 100% soon. It is hard when needs are different. It is hard to be patient when you know what you need and can almost feel it, touch it, embrace it...but it is just out of reach. Try to keep hanging in there. I hope he is able to give what you need soon. Hugs! Thinking of you...

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    1. Thanks Terpsichore, I really am just so happy that he is home and improving. I know eventually, hopefully sooner rather later, he will be 100% again. Then all bets are off, lol.

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  6. ((((hugs)))) so glad Musicman is home and on the mend. Sounds like a tough situation for you, hope it eases soon xxx

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    1. It has been very tough, but we've been here before and I know we will get through. I just hope it's soon.

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  7. Glad to hear MM is doing well, been thinking about you.

    Things will work out - time is the answer.

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    1. Time is the answer and patience, which I am quickly running out of.

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  8. So happy to hear Musicman is recovering and has been released from the hospital and is home with you. Take care. Thinking of you.

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    1. Thank you Meg, the support I get from all my blogger friends has helped me face this situation a little better.

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  9. Faerie, hang in there. It is so great that Musicman is on the mend and after the troubles that you had up to this point these are wonderful news. I am sorry that you are feeling so drained right now, and can only send all positive energy and hope that MM can give you what y o u really need, soon.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Thanks Ni Na, life always seems to be so incredibly hectic for us. I truly pray for boredom these days.

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