Monday, August 4, 2014

If Even For a Moment

Musicman and I have been together for more than half our lives, and we're no spring chickens. I barely remember a time when he wasn't in my life. More than likely, that's because my life before him wasn't worth remembering.

He's always been a naturally dominant man. Other than the first couple of years, the years I think of as my learning curve, I have been naturally submissive to him. It's a comfortable place for me, a place I enjoy being, a place where I've always been happy and content.

He dictates where I live my life. He dictates how I live my life on a day to day basis. I dress according to his pleasure. I cook according to his pleasure. I conduct my business of the day, according to his needs. This is something I agreed to. I had total knowledge that that was what I was agreeing to, despite the fact that I didn't have the words Dominance/submission in my head, at the time.

That's just the way it's been for us, for almost 30 years now.  The kink side came into play much later, though I don't think we ever could have been considered strictly vanilla either. Sex has always been a strong connection between us, but the demons from my past, inhibited my ability to truly accept who I was, for longer than I care to admit.

Yes, I know, it sounds like I totally did things backwards. In truth, that doesn't surprise me a bit to admit. I have often done things contrary to what society says I should do. Life just seems to work that way for me, so I don't fight it.

There is literally only one area of our lives  that Musicman is not Dominant. That is when it comes to health issues. I in no way think it is a coincidence that he has such complex health issues and ended up with me. Arrogant of me to say, but I know he could have no better caregiver or patient advocate than me.  

Therein lies the struggle. He is naturally dominant. He is used to me submitting to him in how things occur in our lives. He doesn't necessarily do so well when life dictates that he turn over control to me, if even for a moment.

That struggle isn't going so great right now. The day of his procedure was more of a challenge than I care to describe. Recovery is going so far from what I conceived, that it isn't even funny. Part of the problem is failure on his part to listen to me. The other part of the problem, is failure on my part to figure out exactly what it is that he needs and securing that for him.

At this point in time, I want to slap the crap out of everyone, the doctors and Musicman included. I need to make them all listen to me. Something isn't right. I refuse to be ignored. There is no submission here. I am going to ride roughshod over several people, until I get the results I am seeking.


Strong fairy

9 comments:

  1. You go girl. You've done it before, you can do it again.

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  2. Every patient needs a strong advocate....and your man has the best one there is....Do your thing....He will be back to His dominance that much sooner. Prayers and hugs..
    abby

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  3. Faerie,
    I applaud your strength and I know you have it in you to effect the kind of changes needed here. Unfortunately, there are some things (people) that you can't control or change, so while I know you will do your best, take care of you too. Sending positive energy and prayers for you both :-)

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  4. Go Faerie! A good submissive does what is best for her Dominant. Most people don't really think clearly when they are physically ill. Sending prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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  5. Saddle up and ride into battle. My mother has to do the same for my dad who has complex medical issues. Without her efforts I know he would suffer more.
    hugs DF

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  6. ((Hugs)) Faerie, you are giving Musicman exactly what he needs right now being his advocate. Sending positive thoughts you get the results you need.

    Roz

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  7. Faerie I am so with you.
    H Has some complex health issues which will always be there. He tries to pretend they are not though. I have phoned doctors for him behind his back, made appointments, nagged and shouted. My last point of call is always his 'big' sister who lives on the other side of the world, but after a call from me she will phone him up and give him what for.... And he will listen to her!
    I think that we can tap into unused power when we have to stand up and make ourselves heard for our partners or children- you can do it, you will find the strength and recover later!

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  8. Echoing the comments you've already received here. You are doing what is right for you both, and being so very strong. I see it as another way in submission, fully taking care of everything he needs right now - including you being strong and doing what you need to do with all of this. Good for you! Sending healing thoughts and vibes in his direction, and thinking of you both.

    xxoo
    brat

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  9. I am glad he has you to take care of him and ensure that he gets the full care he needs and deserves. I hope he heals soon... Sending you big hugs. Love, Terps

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