Tuesday, April 24, 2018

I'd like off this Rollercoaster please

Life is full of ups and downs, much like a roller coaster .  We've certainly had our share of roller coaster moments over the last few years.  I don't like roller coasters and would like to get off now please.

I have anxiety issues, bad enough that I take medication for it.  I also tend to be a huge over thinker.  I'm working very hard to stop that, cause when I do, I find myself spiraling into a bad place very quickly.  I don't like myself when I'm like that, so I can't imagine anyone else even wanting to be around me.

Despite trying very hard not to I was spiraling pretty bad on Sunday.  Musicman recognized this and thought a spanking and some playtime might help.  I was skeptical, but he went ahead and got the crop out.

A spanking and playtime did occur.  It helped some, but it also felt kind of akward.  I've never felt that way before from a spanking and/or playtime.  So of course I had to think and rethink, and rethink, ad nauseum, as to why I felt that way.  It clearly was not the outcome Musicman intended and I fear I may have hurt his feelings or shaken his confidence.  Not what I intended at all.

I did eventually figure out what happened that made me feel that way.  Knowing that Musicman is not the best communicator, especially when it comes to these kinds of things,  I did what I thought was the next best thing.  I emailed him an explanation.  I know he read it, but there's been no response yet.

Obviously I'm hoping he does respond, but we do have a lot going on.  I'm getting ready to go see my brother and T.  I'm planning on being gone about a month.  Musicman doesn't like it when I'm gone that long, but this may be the only time I get to see them this year and I want to make the most of it.

Three weeks after I get home I'll be having surgery to fix my shoulder.  It's been almost a year since my injury.  All noninvasive treatments have been tried and unfortunately there has been no significant healing, so surgery is the only choice left.  And poof, there goes the summer that hasn't even started yet.





8 comments:

  1. No one thinks of surgery as relaxing - but it can be if you do some planning for you recovery. It can be a calm and peaceful time. I hope he answers your email.

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    1. So far he hasn't acknowledged the email despite the fact that I know he's read it. Honestly not sure what if anything I'll do about that. As far as the surgery goes, I'm just happy that once it's healed I'll have the use of my arm back. Not sure how to plan for a relaxing recovery as I really have no one to take care of me. But I've gotten used to that over the last year so I'm honestly not too worried about it.

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  2. Hi Faerie, I can totally relate to being an overthinker, I worry too much about scenarios that may not even occur. Good on you for sending the email and letting Musicman know what was going on, I hope he does reply.

    Have a wonderful trip to see your Brother. The surgery is good news, hopefully a way forward.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. The actual trip to my brother's is hard on me, but so worth it. He and T, the sister of my soul take great care of me and we have tons of fun together. T and I talk about anything and everything, we're a great support for each other and spending time with them will help me be in the right place mentally and emotionally going into the surgery. That's important to me. The surgery and recovery aren't going to be easy, but worth it to have the use of my arm again.

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  3. Like you and Roz, I, too, can be an over thinker. I see every possibility of every situation, both the good and bad. I worry about things that aren't even there...but could be. I am glad you communicated with Musicman. I hope he responds. I will be thinking of you during your surgery and sending healing energy your way for a smooth recovery. Hugs

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    1. I'm working hard to try and break the habit of over thinking and negative self talk. I have a long way to go with that, but I keep trying. Not really looking forward to the surgery, but all other treatments have been tried and failed, so if this is what I have to do to get the use of my arm back, that's what I'm gonna do. The support is much appreciated ☺

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  4. I can relate to overthinking as well and feeling like you're on a roller coaster. Try to take things one step at a time. I like the suggestion to prepare yourself for surgery ahead of time.
    I hope things go well with the email to your husband.

    Hugs,
    Jlynne

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    1. Hi Jlynne, so far no acknowledgement from Musicman about the email, though I do know he read it. That's disappointing, but I learned a long time ago that I can only control myself and my reactions to situations. Haven't decided if I'm going to address his lack of response or not. Preparing ahead of time for surgery is a great idea. I'm definitely going to have to give it some serious thought since I won't have anyone to help me during the day.

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