Friday, September 7, 2018

His Oh Shit Moment

Where to even begin? So much has happened.  Despite the heaviness in my heart about the end of my marriage I had a wonderful time with my brother and T.  They take excellent care of me and are totally 100% supportive of whatever I need to do to be happy and healthy.

I spent the first couple weeks relaxing, letting my shoulder heal and enjoying adventures with them.  T and I talked extensively about what I needed to do to physically leave my home and start my new life.  I actively planned what I would be taking with me, not very much, and how I was going to get those things along with myself to my new home.  I had a viable plan complete with a doable timeline.

During this time Musicman continued to text me several times a day.  I cringed every time he did.  It was very much like texting with a distant acquaintance.  Our inability to talk about anything important or relevant to our relationship just reinforced for me the need to leave. 

Then something happened, something changed.  Not with me, with Musicman.  He wanted to come down and see me.  He said he missed me. He said he wanted me back.  I told him I didn't think it was a good idea.  I had no reason to believe that he had changed or that him coming to see me would change anything.  I'll be honest, I didn't want him coming down and ruining my sanctuary.  I didn't want bad memories of him haunting me in a place I felt safe and empowered enough to start life over.

A few days after that text I received a phone call from Musicman. He was very distraught and emotional.  That in itself is quite out of character for him.  He admitted that he'd made many mistakes in the last few years.  He admitted and apologized for the fact that those mistakes really hurt me.  He asked again if he could come and see me.

I was reluctant to let him come.  I set some very clear ground rules for him if he did come down.  He agreed to those ground rules and he did come down.  I was tentatively hopeful that he not only meant the things he had said to me but also that his actions would align with his words.

Musicman has never taken a long distance trip without me.  He's always the driver and I'm the navigator,  that has always worked well for us.  This trip was his first test, he had to do it alone.  For various reasons that were not of his doing a 10 hour drive turned into 13 hours. 

I was excited to see him, but a bit nervous too.  Had he really changed?  Was he really going to be the man I loved so much or was he playing me?  I  truly didn't know and that scared me.

Things started out well.  I saw the change in him immediately.  He was again the man I fell in love with all those years ago, the man I wanted, the man I needed him to be.  We had a wonderful couple of days together, then things went off the rails.

One evening, after a lovely day together, the Musicman of the last few years came back.  Things got ugly.  I felt like a complete idiot for believing him, for believing he had meant all the things he said.  I definitely felt I had made a big mistake letting him come down. 

T,  bless her soul, stepped in and acted as a mediator and counselor.  We talked and talked and talked.  I felt like we were going in circles and accomplishing nothing.  To say Musicman is stubborn is an understatement and there were things he had made his mind up about that he just couldn't let go of.  Things that would make it impossible for us to move forward together. 

I was exhausted, emotionally and physically.  I left Musicman and T still talking and showered and went to bed.  I'm not sure what T said, but the next morning Musicman and I talked again.  This time he heard me,  he let go of his preconceived notions and actually listened and validated what I was saying.  My Musicman was back.

The rest of our visit went very well.  I came home with Musicman, though we both wished we could have stayed longer.  I was a bit worried that things might not continue to go well once we got home.  So far they are, much to my pleasant surprise. 

Musicman did something huge that really went a long way toward restoring my trust in him.  A huge sticking point for me was the fact that our adult son was living in our home.  Musicman had told him he was coming to see me and that he needed to be out of the house when we got home. 

Our son wasn't home when we got home, but his stuff was here. That made me very nervous and unhappy.  He showed up the next afternoon.  I know it wasn't easy, but Musicman confronted him and told him he couldn't stay.   He actually listened and left.  We've spent our first week home cleaning and reclaiming our home and reconnecting with each other.

I still don't know what happened that finally caused Musicman to make the changes he needed to make to keep me from leaving.  I have no plans to ask either.  Whatever it was isn't nearly as important to me as the fact that it did happen. 

I have my loving, devoted Musicman back. Our communication is better than ever and we are both actively working on making our relationship better everyday.  This is definitely not where I saw myself a month ago, but  I'm so glad I took the risk and gave him a chance.  I'm once again a happy faerie.



18 comments:

  1. This is fantastic news! Good for you for being brave enough to take that first leap of faith!

    much love
    willie

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    1. Thank you willie, as much as I was convinced it was over, I didn't want it to be. I'm so happy I took that leap, best thing I've done in a long time.

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  2. I'm so happy to read this Faerie, wonderful news. I hope you continue to reclaim that spark together, the love between you never left. Keep talking and then talk some more.

    Wishing you every happiness, you both deserve it.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I am so very happy things worked out this way. Musicman is doing an excellent job of keeping the lines of communication open and honest. It truly feels like a new and fresh beginning.

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  3. Wow what a wonderful post to read on a saturday morning(for me)!

    Im so glad that despite the small hiccup T managed to help in some way and got him to be his old loving self again.

    I hope you both manage to keep the communication going and things get better from here on. ❤️❤️❤️

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    1. T is an amazingly loving person who truly wants the best for both Musicman and myself. Things are going better than I ever could have imagined. Musicman is putting in the time and effort and so am I.

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  4. I felt that Musicman would eventually realizing what he was losing, but I didn't have a lot of hope that he'd do it in time. I'm happy he did. I hope things continue smoothly - there will probably be bumps, but if you both want this it is going to work. Good for you both.

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    1. I felt much the same way, I certainly didn't think this would happen. We both know we have much to work on, but for the first time in a very long time, we're working together.

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  5. Omg, you had me on tenderhooks reading this. Really glad for you. Keep working at it.

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    1. It's been a roller-coaster for sure and I don't like roller-coasters, lol. This one was worth the ride though. We're being vigilant about our communication and realize the importance of that.

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  6. Replies
    1. Thank you Minelle, I appreciate the support 😊

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  7. I am thrilled to read this entry today.. so pleased that Musicman is making an effort and sticking to his word. Keep working on your relationship -- and may things continue to improve and become a "Happy Ever After" ending :)

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    1. I had thought for so long that we would have a Happy Ever After ending. It almost broke me when I realized it was slipping away and nothing I did was changing that. I was, and still am, happily shocked and surprised by Musicman's actions.

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  8. Replies
    1. Thank you Leigh, I'm very happy with how things are going.

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  9. Replies
    1. Thanks Terpsichore, I never imagined this would happen but I'm very glad it did.

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